Great Session!

I had my first appointment with therapist Mimi this morning and I’m feeling really good about her and our dynamics. We spend our first session together doing a lot of history taking, which is totally normal.  We talked about when my disordered eating began, how it progressed and where I (ed) am today. We talked about triggers to binges, how unpredictable they are, and how predictable they can be.  (For those of you who don’t know, I was 15 when I first starting restricting and over-exercising. I am now 29.) We discussed when ED went from restricting to bingeing and why that switch happened. Since everything started in high school, we spent a lot of time talking about those years within my family, my circle of friends, etc. She asked about my family dynamics presently and how they’ve evolved.

What I like about Mimi and what I’ve searched for in a therapist, is that she doesn’t sit there with a blank face as she listens. In social work school, we are tought to listen without showing signs of judgement one way or another and  to limit our suggestions and feedback–letting the client do a lot of the work. I understand this method and believe it works for many, many people. Not for me. I want someone who will speak up when something sounds off or agree/disagree with me when I talk about something twisted. Mimi did that and we had some really great laugh out loud moments. She jokes around.  Once I swore, she felt okay doing it too. I like that! I like that because I love to swear, and having her do it too means she’s a real person who isn’t trying too hard to seem professional. We talked for 45 minutes before it was time to wrap up. In closing she said, “You’re going to get over this. You really will.” This gave me such hope because I’ve often wondered if it’s really possible. I’ve wondered if I’ll be living in the haze of disordered eating forever. She said that when I as younger I probably didn’t have the internal ability to work through my emotions in a positive way but that I have those abilities now.She didn’t assign me any homework for next week but I can’t wait to see what comes next. I’ll certainly keep you posted. My blog never came up but when the timing is right I’ll fill her in. There’s nothing on here that I’m ashamed of (minus eating donut after donut after donut)or that she wouldn’t be informed about in the first place. If anyone wants to know more about counseling or the process, please feel free to email me @ lpskins@hotmail.com. I’d be so happy to help!

After therapy I hit the gym for 3 miles on the treadmill. Len and I snoozed through our morning wake up call to run so I was on my own. The good news is that I just roasted potatoes, beets, onions, garlic and turnips. I have to fight off the leftover pizza so those should do the trick. Have you all ever tried to peel beets? Those suckers are tricky. Also, while peeling turnips (wait, are they turnips or parsnips?) I couldn’t help but notice a horseradish aroma. Hmmmmmm…. I wonder if there’s a connection there. Google here I come!

Look at that roasted garlic. I'm not sure it's worth smelling like ass though. I'll take my chances.

Rumor is that Boston is getting a snow storm on Wednesday. I wish it would hold off till Thursday so my classes would be canceled.

Brunch!

I think I swallowed a hot air balloon

Four words: Dominos pizza and cinnastix.

Excuse me while I roll myself to bed.

Mushroom and pineapple. Plus one slice.

Another slice of this too.

If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, I croaked from a heart attack.

Here I come Mimi!

How you doin’ (in my best Italian accent.) Last night was fun and fatty. We went to our (newly engaged) friends house, Randy and Heather, for the super bowl. Prior to going, I popped into Shaws to buy some healthy treats–two kinds of hummus, spicy blue chips. pita chips, carrots and broccoli. We made a second trip to Shaws and Len picked up a bunch of fried garbage–wings, onion rings, jalapeno poppers and mozzarella sticks. After three glasses of wine, I happily ate a lot of that garbage. Have you guys ever tried a jalapeno popper? Holy crap those suckers are good.

Healthy--for the most part.

Not so much.

I paid for eating that fatty garbage today. My stomach cramps were painful and not going to lie– I think they were gas cramps. Ouch.

I started the morning off with a banana and some coffee. I tell ya, Monday mornings never get easy. Even though I have tons of ingredients for burritos, I couldn’t resist buying a couple of Amys burritos last night. I ate that for lunch along with broccoli/carrots with hummus. For years and years my hummus of choice was Cedars original. I hadn’t bought it in a long time because my obsession for Trader Joe’s hummus and Sabra hummus has been pretty intense. Cedars was on sale last night so I thought why not. Why not? Because it tastes like dry butt crack. I’m SHOCKED at how different it tastes! Totally sticking to TJ’s hummus from now on.

On the way to the bus stop after work I stopped in Dunkin Donuts. My buds weren’t even craving donuts and still, I bought a jelly stick and a chocolate glazed. A part of me said, you start counseling tomorrow so you better get your last binge in tonight. What a ridiculous way of thinking. I’m pretty disappointed in myself.

Speaking of counseling, I’m pretty excited to meet Mimi tomorrow morning. My friend asked me if I was going to tell Mimi about the blog and the truth is, I haven’t decided. I have asked myself that too and I think I will. My blog is a pretty significant part of my life and I started it to explore my eating disorder. We’ll see. What would you guys do?

Superbowl Sunday (original title)

Len and I FINALLY got our run on around 5 last night. By the time we went out it was freezing so we trimmed it down from five miles to three. This was totally fine with me. We decided that roasted veggies were a must on such a cold night. I had no idea how to cook turnips so I followed a simple roasted vegetable recipe. I peeled and chopped turnips, beets (never knew white beets existed!), carrots and potatoes, tossed them all in 2 tablespoons olive oil, salt and pepper and let them roast for 45 minutes at 400 degrees. The recipe also said to add unpeeled garlic cloves and they turned out AMAZING. I’ll be doing this often! The outsides were hard but after easily pulling off the shells, the garlic was like butter. Yum. While I was cooking I snacked on peppers and hummus.

Nuggs on the side.

Does it get better than this?

We stayed in last night and drank some wine while watching The Invention of Lying. Well, I didn’t have any expectations going into it but it kept me entertained. I probably wouldn’t watch it again but it did give some lol moments. Plus, Jennifer Garner is one of my faves. I tried to be mindful of my sugar all day but I did have two dates and two glasses of wine–both of which are sugary.

This morning I volunteered that The Gospel Brunch, a major fundraiser for my old job. It was held at Park Plaza in Boston. The food situation was uncertain so before leaving I ate overnight oat bran made with bran, almond milk, banana and peanut butter. It was awesome. I couldn’t help but notice the huge food station set up for the volunteers but was able to avoid it.

I call my brother Oatbran.

juices, bagels, fruit...

Muffins and some random toppings.

The event went really well and it didn’t feel like work since I got to hang out with my friends. One of the auction item was an Instant Wine Cellar–100 bottles of wine (each over 20 bucks) and a private tasting. I wanted this SOOO bad. Lucky buyer.

One side of the wine table.

The other side. Imagine??

Oh yeah, meteorologist David Brown  of WCVB-TV Channel 5 was there.

About three hours into the event my friend came around with a plate of grub for me that included eggs, french toast, home fries and sausage. She reported that it wasn’t that great so I passed. They were serving chocolate mousse for dessert and I’m thankful not to have gotten a hold of it. Len picked me up at 2:30, at which point I was hungry. Last nights roasted veggies have been on my mind so I added some to the standard refried bean/hummus/hot sauce salad.

I have SO much homework to do but cannot be bothered to do it. Headed out to Target and then to our friends house for the super bowl. Do you guys care who wins? I’m cheering for the Saints because I like the idea of New Orleans having something to celebrate.

R.I.P. Versatile Dress

EATS!! The salad from last night was still wonderful and not at all soggy. Then I chomped on this measly little apple. Really Boston Organics? I ate half and gave the rest to Eleanor. She clearly wanted a taste. Now I’m trying to figure out what to do with those turnips.

We just got invited to another wedding this summer which makes three and it’s only February. I enjoy going to weddings (most of the time) but HATE having to find a dress. Two years ago I bought a cheap dress at TJ Max and it quickly turned into my “go-to” dress. Unfortunately it was laid to rest this past September after the strap broke off as I was walking into a wedding. Below are pictures from four different weddings that I wore the dress too. I swear there was one more wedding but I can’t find the photo. The beauty of this dress is that it worked regardless of my weight. I fluctuated by about 10 pounds within the past two years and it stuck with me. Bless it. Note-the last picture shows double straps but really thats my bra because I forgot a strapless. Classy.

Procrastination Nation

Good morning Saturday. I slept in till 10:30 and feel well rested. Len and I have absolutely nothing planned today so rather than rush to get out the door for our run, we’re waiting till later this afternoon. Plus, the boyfriend went out last night so he may or may not be in rough shape. Today is my “free day” this weekend because tomorrow I’m volunteering at my old jobs fundraiser , The Gospel Brunch.  Last night I stayed at work till 10, clocking 5 more hours. I miss working for money! Graduate school doesn’t leave much time for that. Well, of course there’s always time but I’d rather have my weekends free to allow for some balance in my life. I might regret that decision come time to pay all my loans.

Weigh in. So I gained a little this morning and you’ll understand why after I lay out all my eats. Meg and I have proved that working together is a bad combination because we tend to eat whatever we want. The day started off healthy with a sliced banana and peanut butter pre-gym. I walked at an incline for three miles. Why can’t I just run damn it??

On the walk to class, I munched on two “burritos” made with low carb whole wheat vegan wraps. The wraps are sold  in the hummus section at Trader Joes’s and I highly recommend them.  45 calories per wrap and a bunch of fiber. They were filled with refried beans (cracked open a new can), hummus, and spinach. If thats not a recipe for a poop I don’t know what is.

Please excuse the less than pretty picture.

After class I snacked on some melon and the rest of my smashed cauliflower mixed with hummus. I also ate a pack of trail mix. Then,  I packed up a healthy dinner to take with me to work: salad with the usual refried beans mix, a veggie burger and some whole wheat crackers.

This melon sucked. I ate in anyway.

My dinner went undocumented because I made other choices,some other unhealthy choices. First came mozzarella sticks. I probably ate 5 or six of them. Honestly, I would never have ordered these on my own but I ate them since they were there. Then came chocolate cake. I got diabetes last night. Even after all of this, I ate a weight watchers ice cream and a slice of chocolate pound cake upon getting home at 10:30. Needless to say, I’m shocked my scale didn’t read higher.

The sauce is key.

Wasn't as good as it looks. I ate it of course.

Food coma= laying on couch catching up on DVR. Of all the choices, I chose to watch Oprah’s episode on Diabetes. Oh shit. Diabetes is called the “silent killer” and it really scared me. You all know how I love my sugar. I’ve never been mindful of how many grams I consume on a daily basis because ignorance is bliss. With that said, I don’t want to lose a limb to diabetes. Anna’s (counting sugar grams) challenge came at a perfect time and I think it’s finally time to be informed. As annoying as measuring and counting can be, it’s the only way to check and assess what I’m putting into my body.

Is it 12:15 already???? Where has the time gone. Time to make my man an omelette. I think I’ll have my salad from last night. Who’s snowed in today?

Still full

Friday has finally arrived! Amen to that, my friends. Recap from a great day yesterday–Though I was only at my internship for three hours, a lot of work got done. Honestly, I’m 29 and this is the first job I’ve ever had that keeps me busy from walking in the door till leaving at 5. It’s truly incredible and rewarding. After “work” I went to a quick meeting at school then headed into my real work–meaning work I get paid for.  Before clocking in, lunch was needed.

Salad with the usual refried beans/hummus/hot sauce concoction,

trail mix for myself and meg, cheese for me

Tomorrow will be the last day I’m needed to fill in so I wanted to get in as many hours as possible.I worked until 9 and got a solid 7.5 hours in. Awesome! The money earned is going towards my ski weekend in March and maybe towards a haircut. (If my ends get any dryer they’ll break right off.) The place I work treats us really well and makes sure we get fed. My friend Meg headed over to Dunkin Donuts for coffee around 2 and came back with some goodies. Obviously I don’t pass up goodies. See below.

Coffee with half chocolate glazed stick. Best.Donut.Ever.

Half Boston Cream Pie.

Followed by the other half. All this time, I've told myself that I didn't like Boston Cream Pie. Boy was I wrong.

Around 8:30 we ordered take our from a local restaurant, Meyers and Change. I ordered vegetarian udon noodles with boy choy and tofu. I had NO idea what to expect. Hello heaven! My dish was rich, oily, spicy and fabulous. They surprised us with lemon cookies and lemon mouse. I ate it all.

Unfortunately I also ate a slice of chocolate bread. Needless to say, I still feel full. Luckily, I came home to my first delivery from Boston Organic. Holy moly! For 39 dollars I received so much stuff. I am so excited about this service.

1 pound Fiji apples

1 avocado

2 pounds bananas

1 pound beets

broccoli

1 pound carrots

1.5 pounds onions

3 oranges

3 pears

2 pounds potatoes

3 Radishes

1.5 pounds turnips

1 kale

1 red leaf lettuce

Now what the hell do I do with all this? I need advice on how to cook Kale, turnips and beets. Help! With all these veggies, I’m sure to make some healthy choices in the coming week. Right?

Len and I haven’t stayed true to our training plan this week but I’m going for a run shortly and we plan to run 5 miles tomorrow. Afterwards I’m heading to class then to work again. Gotta make some money while I can!

Are you guys excited for the Superbowl?? Am I the only one who doesn’t care about it? Have a great day, bloggies.

What gets you excited?

1. Going to my comment section and finding a hidden comment in my “pending” folder.

2. Finishing a workout-regardless of how good/hard it was

3. American Idol

4. A big fat ass meal

5. Coming home to my dog

6. Coming home to my boyfriend

7. Visiting my family in Connecticut/PA

8. Saturdays!

9. Feeling pretty

10. Going three days without bingeing ( If I can make it through today…)

11. Getting a blow out (Even though I haven’t gotten a hair cut in 15 months now.)

12. Seeing old friends

13. Whoopee pies

14. Vermont

15. The goodie bag before a race/free food after running the race

16. My Boston Organics delivery today.

It’s nice to have some day-to-day ways to feel joy.  ”You can’t steal my joy.” I learned that phrase in another life and LOVE it. (That story can be told a different day. Oy.) Good morning! I’m happy it’s Friday (bummer) Thursday and that the week is almost over. I’m  being naughty tonight and skipping my classes to go into work. Since I have the opportunity to make some money before Sunday, I made a game time decision last night to prioritize. Typically I skip one or two classes per semester due to being sick, having better plans, or just because.  It’s not good to skip classes but because I’m an adult, I can make those choices. Amen.

Last night I accidentally watched a few minutes of Nip and Tuck. OUCH!!! I saw a quick second of them slicing into someone’s boob and felt the urge to chuck. After I have kids, a breast reduction and lift is on my agenda but now I’m not sure that can happen.

With that said, breakfast. I’m totally loving this glorious feast–light muffin, PB and half banana. You really can’t go wrong. To make it healthier I could have used Ezekiel bread but I’m just fine with this.  Off to work but will hopefully get a lunch post up!

Lots to discuss

Hey! So I called my insurance again and found out they refund 150 bucks back for my gym membership. This rocks!!! Free money bitches. I’ve been MIA all day so my whole days worth of food needs to get posted. I’d say my eating was pretty good today, can’t complain. My morning started off with two cups of coffee and a light english muffin with peanut butter and half banana.

Half banana went to the pup.

Lunch came pretty quickly and I polished off leftover pasta made several days ago. I added half of those roasted brussels to the mix. So good. For some reason today I was craving chicken caesar salad. I will not give in!!!

A little later I ate a Larabar out of boredom not hunger. Could be worse.

Apple pie may be the best Larabar out there

Around 5 I scarfed the remainders of my lunch box- half an apple and a light string cheese. 7 rolled around and I started getting nervous about making bad decisions when I went out for dinner. I snacked on more brussels and some cauliflower mashed with hummus. All these veggies aren’t going to sit well tonight. Sorry, babe.

I met my friend Lindsay for our monthly dinner at Brighton Beer Garden. I suggested that place because they serve a healthy wrap with spinach, avocado and a bit of cream cheese with bean salad on the side. Well, to my disgust, they took it off the menu!! Seriously people????? I ended up ordering  a spinach salad with two dried cranberries, a morsel of blue cheese, a few slices of apple, and a niblet of pecans. Let’s just say I was less than impressed to pay 12 bucks for such a measly salad. The company was nice though so that made up for the lack of food.

Brighton Beer Garden you suck goat balls!

Fit for a bird.

Who to chose?

So I’m now torn between two therapists. Remember Mimi? Well I went to her website and her main  focus is eating disorders!  Her website is so cool; she offers 1:1 counseling and group therapy, practices using CBT model (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which I was looking for, and seems to know her stuff. Then there’s Lauren. Lauren was the first person I called yesterday and she left her website on her voice message. After checking it out, I learned that she too specializes in eating disorders and seems to capture all aspects of it. Her approach is more visual/relaxation narrative therapy. This is huge news to me bc I’ve been to therapists who work with eating disorders but that doesn’t mean they know what the hell their talking about. One time I got this advice–keep ice cream in my freezer, like an alcoholic would keep vodka in their fridge, and see how long I can resist. Thanks asshole, and I’m paying you for this? Let’s just say I never went back. Lauren emailed me to set up a meeting but since I already have one with Mimi I don’t know what to do. I’d like to test them both out but am not sure if insurance will cover that. Hmmm…what to do, what to do. Did I mention yesterday that I called dietitians too? Yeah! I NEVER use my insurance but it’s time to start. Massages anyone? They’re on Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

Since I ate a large snack yesterday, dinner wasn’t on my mind till about 8:45. I ate veggie burger topped with special ketchup and spinach on an english muffin, served with a side of carrots and hummus. There was some roasting of brussel sprouts too, but I’ll eat them today. I marinated them in olive oil, agave, cayenne, cumin, salt and pepper. Liv helped me come up with that mix and dang is it hot. Before and during dinner I sipped on two glasses of wine.

Len and I had an off day from training which is a good thing since it snowed last night. Thanks mother nature for timing things out perfectly.  Sooo, I won’t be able to post any eats from today till after work. Have a great day peeps!