Nothing wrong with weird.

Check out our latest resident….

 

Remember six months ago when our apartment was infested with raccoons? Well, now we have rats. Settle down, they don’t roam free in the house. They reside in the walls and in the ceiling, but we do hear them scratching around all the time. Pretty sure they’re trying to chew their way out of the shower drain. I’d slide right off the toilet if that ever happened. My landlord is working hard to get a grip on the problem. Sadly, we often hear them getting trapped and squealing to their death. At first I cried, now I plug my ears and yell to drown out the noise. Terrible.

So I’m supposed to be out on a date right now but I cancelled for a couple of reasons.  I went out with this cat last week and had a great time. He was cool, smart, and funny but a spitting image of Len. Everything down to his damn ear lobes. No joke. I felt like I was tripping on acid. We rescheduled for Sunday but I’ll probably cancel again.

Check out this sign.

I’m proud to be absolutely ridiculous.

 

Who’s watching Idol tonight???

 

Anyone want to jam?

Part of my year of fulfillment meant signing up for guitar lessons. I bought a guitar in 2000. Since then it has moved all over New England with me collecting dust. I have taken a bunch of lessons with a few different instructors but suck at practicing.

My very first instructor was an old pervert who tried to sell me a bag of pot at our second lesson. God only knows what he would have offered up by lesson four. No sir, I do not want to see your penis.  One lady taught from her one-room apartment, which was in an old folks home and smelled of moth balls and kitty litter. Poor Grace never stood a chance.  My last instructor was very good, though I think he might have been a heroin user. His house also served as a make-shift massage parlor. Bonus! Nevertheless, he was incredibly patient with me and quite cheap. He would let me stay late despite our one hour time frame. Eventually I quit because I wasn’t improving (aka not practicing) and felt embarrassed. Sorry, Keith. It was me, not you.

Most recently I signed up for group lessons in hopes that public shaming would be enough to make me practice. Guess what, it’s working.

 

Not to brag but I kinda look like a natural.

Rock star, bitches.

There are 11 people in our group. The instructor teaches us something and then we have to go around the room, one by one, and play the lesson. It’s incredibly scary when all eyes are on you. I have a tendency to laugh and smile when I’m nervous so that’s what happens when it’s my turn to play. Last week I panicked and said shit. Judy (the old goat in class) wasn’t impressed but John (the signature gay guy) quite liked it. He thanked me for being the first to curse because he was sure to “slip up”. Taking one for the team, that’s what I do.

Speaking of swearing, my mom stopped reading my blog because of my language. I’m working to tone it down a bit but can’t make any promises.

Check out this picture I saw on Alicia Silversontes blog. My heart melted to the floor.

 

Makes me feel guilty about eating the string cheese I packed for lunch. (That probably makes no sense to everyone but just go with it.)

Happy Monday!!

 

My favorite kind of company

Guess who’s coming to visit me this week?

Miss. Eleanor!!  Len’s going away so I’ll have her from Tuesday – Sunday. We’re going to spoon like crazy.

It’s been almost nine months since I moved out of the old place and left Eleanor behind. You’d think the pain of missing a dog would subside over time but it hasn’t. I miss that little girl every single day. When Len and I broke up, I imagined taking her each weekend, spending every moment with her that I could.  Truth is, I hardly ever see her.  I cry my eyes out each time I pick her up and then again when I drop her off. A short period of depression typically follows.  The pain is overwhelming and it’s sometimes easier  not seeing her at all. It’s truly amazing how much we are impacted by our pets.***

I know Rat is in great hands with Len.  He owns his own business and is able to take her to work everyday. If she came with me, she’d spend 10 hours home alone while I worked. I couldn’t justify that. Plus, he loves her so much and they have a very special bond.

***This wasn’t meant to be a Debbie Downer post. Sorry!

Let’s remedy the situation….

Puppy pics can always cheer people up, right?

This picture is a classic. Psycho Killa.

Celebrations and Lessons learned.

Hola!

The past two weeks have consisted of celebrating birthdays and going out on dates. What would you like to hear first, the fun or the embarrassing?

The Fun.

January is a busy month because I’m best friends with a lot of Capricorn women. (We are the best sign, after all) Last weekend I trekked to Long Island to party with my fabulous friend Amanda who turned 32. A bunch of her girlfriends came over  and we bonded over ridiculous life stories, fantastic food, and the game Things.

Happy birthday Poodle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**** Make note of the bread bowl to the right. I dominated that bad boy.

 

My great friend and roommate turned 29 last week. We raged it up at home with yet another spread, vino, and a vegan chocolate cake.

Melissa and Marisa = Great time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My 31st birthday was on Thursday. I’ve been really busy lately and simply wanted to stay in to watch American Idol with my roommate. I know that sounds lame and I’m perfectly okay with that. I received many beautiful cards and gifts that touched my heart. I can’t believe an entire year has passed since my 30th birthday party. Last year brought about so many changes, most of which you guys know about. I can’t wait to find out what’s in store for this year.

Happy belated to my other Capricorn Sisters– Biff, Marisa, and my Mama.

The Embarrassing.

The world of online dating is a ridiculous place. Over the last two weeks, I’ve gone out with three different guys and each date has taught me an important lesson or two.

1. Don’t invest much time (pre-date) emailing/texting/chatting back and forth because that all goes to shit at first sight.  Verizon made a fortune from me this month.

2. If you arrive to a date early, head-in rather than wait in your parked car reading a book. You’re date might walk by, recognize you, then call you out fifteen minutes later when you eventually meander in.

3. Always look in the mirror before arriving to the destination or you risk finding a peppercorn wedged between your two front teeth at the end of the night.

 4. Never ever get drunk accidentally before a first date and show up to the restaurant ready to slow dance. It’s not charming.

5. Asking someone how many people they’ve slept within the first ten minutes of date is not appropriate or appreciated.

6.  Don’t ever count on your roommate to pick you up from a date. She might accidentally get drunk too, especially if you’re “pre-gaming” together.

7. If you think you scared the shit out of your date, you probably did. Call the next day to apologize.

8. As embarrassed as you might feel, these stories are like gold to friends. Family might be a little more concerned.

Never a dull day in this life of mine.

 

 

Weekend with Marzy

Morning! I was super excited to pick up my mom yesterday, though you wouldn’t know it since I was 30 minutes late to the train station. I snapped pictures of her like a creep as she crossed the street.

About to cross the street

Almost here

"Lin, stop it!"

 

We spent the afternoon acting as tourists, checking out local hot spots in Back Bay.  Check out this chick.

She’s completely painted in gold and stand like a statue. Pretty amazing stuff.

We walked around the Boston Public Library for a good hour or so. I’ve lived here for 5 or 6 years and have never done this, which is quite shameful because there were lots of hot guys in there studying. What’s a trip to the library without a photo shoot? Hopefully we weren’t too much of a distraction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I tried to get my mom to straddle that lion. I'm pretty sure she contemplated it for about 20 seconds before she refused. Prude.

All the hot people were through those doors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a bit of shopping and a lot more walking, (my mom is convinced we walked 15 miles and swears she has the callouses to prove it) we were starving and about ready to eat that human statue. We headed to Bella Luna,  a local hot spot in Jamaica Plain for an early dinner. And by early I mean 4:45.

Oh Mar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We ordered two small pizzas to share and devoured them.  The pizza on the bottom right was beyond amazing. Post dinner, we returned to my place to relax, chit chat, and crack each other up.

Off to Brunch!

Ricotta, spinach and carmelized onions.

Whole wheat crust, carmelized onion, sweetened cranberries and gorgonzola cheese. Hands down best pizza I've ever tasted.

 

Weekend variety

Waking up without an alarm clock is probably one of the best things ever. There’s just something so liberating about opening my lids naturally. Oh sweet, sweet Saturday.

My ADD is off the hook this morning making it very difficult to start and complete this post. Please bear with me as things might get weird. (What’s new, right?)

Mr. Amos Lee has served as a serious distraction. Have you guys listened to his music?

Clearly I didn't take this picture.

Check out this youtube video and pretend that you’re slow dancing with your partner. Not that I’ve done that. Thank god for curtains.    There’s just something about a man and his guitar that melts my vageen heart. (I honestly can’t help myself.)  In my quest for fulfillment, I signed up for guitar lessons. They start on Tuesday so maybe I’ll try to learn this song.

Another ridiculous distraction is Facebook; the ultimate killer of brain cells. It’s just so damn fun.

What’s on the agenda this weekend??

My mama is visiting this weekend so we get to spend some QT together in Boston. Not sure what to do with the lady but it will likely involve shopping, eating, scoping out men, and things of that nature. She’s currently dating some douche named Butch (if that name isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is) but he’s not making the cut. I’m taking applications for eligible bachelors in the greater Boston area who dig hot moms.

She's ready to pounce

Speaking of dating, I’m joined the online dating world again and have something lined up for Sunday night.  Fingers crossed!!

Happy weekend, lovelies.

 

Enough already

You know it’s time to stop blogging about relationships when your inbox is filled with concerned emails from close friends and family. I’m fine everyone, I promise!! I’m great, actually.

Let’s talk about something near and dear to our hearts: FOOD!

I’ve accepted and moved on from the fact that I don’t fit into any of my clothes. It’s been fun boozing face and eating whatever the hell I want but it’s time to reign it in a bit. Plans/diets don’t typically work out for me but I have come up with a plan of sorts to get the scale moving downward.

Healthy eating starts at home (not to say the nearest Dunkin Donuts won’t call my name. God love me a jelly stick.) so I stocked up at Trader Joe’s.

Tofu, veggie meatballs, tempeh, soup, bars, peanut butter (back away from the pumpkin butter mother f-er), bananas, bunch of vegetables, oatmeal, sauce, and soy creamer. I’ve been big into the kale lately. Chomp chomp.

I joined a 10 pound challenge  at my gym. There doesn’t seem to be a prize (what’s a challenge without a prize?!?) so I’ll probably last about 2 days.

My roommate and I are signing up for a 20 mile race for some added motivation. It’s only 8 weeks away so we need to get our butts in gear asap. The thought of running 20 miles makes me gag but desperate times call for desperate measures. We’ve all been there.

I also plan to have lots and lots of sex as a form of exercise. Just kidding, I’m nearly a virgin at this point. (Again, we’ve all been there. Right? RIGHT?)

I’ll start weighing in again on the blog this weekend to keep me accountable. Don’t judge.

So there you have it my loves. 

 

Codependence is for the birds.

Since Len and I broke up, I noticed something about myself that I’m not proud of: I’m struggling to be alone. Before Len and I dated, I was Miss. Feminist, a strong individual who didn’t need a relationship to feel fulfilled. Then life happened and I grew comfortable having a body next to me at night, someone who made me feel safe.  In the months since Len and I broke up, I’ve dated an assortment of people in an attempt to not face feelings of loneliness. Most recently, I’ve been in and out of a very unhealthy  4-month relationship with a complete douche bag. And believe me, douche bag is an understatement. I allowed myself to be treated poorly because the alternative was being alone and the was sure to feel worse.

Um, let’s re-read that last sentence… I allowed myself to be treated poorly because the alternative was being alone and the was sure to feel worse. Does anyone know where Lindsay went because this surely isn’t her.  The Lindsay I know would never stand mistreatment of any kind. The Lindsay I know wouldn’t allow values and beliefs to be compromised on behalf of someone else. The Lindsay I know would laugh in the face of an asshole and tell him to have a good time jerking off because he ain’t getting any of this.  The Lindsay I know is strong.

So last night I took out the trash and boy did it feel good.

 

 

Happiness is a choice we can make. In 2012, I’m going to find fulfillment in things that bring me joy, nurture my spirit and foster growth. And when loneliness rears its little head, I’ll simply smile, tell it to fuck off, and remind myself that I’m totally okay on my own.

Welcome back, sister.

Little Black Dress or Holiday Uniform?

I once had a black dress that I wore to at least 7 weddings. (This should embarrass me but it doesn’t.) Despite wine stains and a broken strap that was held together by a paperclip, I continued to rock that little bitch. Friends would often comment,   “Oh, you’re wearing that dress again?”  or “Let me guess, you’re wearing the black dress”.  Eventually I took the hint and tossed it, never to be seen again.

Well guess what hookers, there’s a new black dress in town. I’ve owned it for two weeks and so far it’s made an appearance to 3 holiday gathering and believe me, there’s more to come.  (Again, this should embarrass me but it doesn’t.)

First Outing: Ladies night.

What up Kath!

My girl Marisa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My roommate and I hosted a small gathering at our place with some fabulous ladies then headed to a local bar. I got dolled up with the intention of getting some ass  finding a suitable mate.  No mate was found but there was some baton twirling. Winning!

My roommate has many talents

Don’t ask.

Second Outing: Holiday Party. 

My friends Meg and Joe hosted this shindig the very night after our girls night. The dress already had toothpaste stains on it but that didn’t stop me.  I may not change my outfit but at least I brush my teeth. Once a slob, always a slob.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I found a suitable mate that night named  Cookie Tray. He never disappoints. TRUST ME.

 

Someone once told me that you can wear the same dress as many times as you want so long as you change your hairstyle. Done and Done.

Third Outing: New Years Eve.

My friends and I went to a Martin Sexton show in Vermont for New Years Eve. The uniform came along, toothpaste stains and all. This time I changed up my tights and my hair. Go me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 more parties and a black dress will be up for grabs. Let me know if you’re interested and maybe I’ll throw in the tights.

Sayofuckingnara 2011.

2011 has come and gone but it will never be forgotten.

Last year at this time, I would never have pictured my life as it is today. Here I sit, living the single life with a friend of mine, in a small apartment, without Eleanor by my side. My life changed pretty drastically in the year 2011. I risked a lot, I lost a lot, I cried a lot.  But with that loss came growth, new experiences, and deeper connections (I’m talking to you Melis) that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.  And as I continue to adjust to this new life, I thank god for good friends, family, and wine. Can’t forget the wine.

So cheers to a New Year filled with change, support, whoopee pies, laughter, and love.

You thought I was kidding about the wine.