Y’all, I was the definition of a basket case last night. Before I met Lenny, I used to jampack my weekends. I’m not sure why this was; maybe because I couldn’t sit with self long enough or maybe for other reasons less complicated. He has taught me that it’s okay to leave weekends untouched and open to different plans. It wasn’t until the last few months that I started taking his advice. At first, it felt liberating to not have to be anywhere or answer to anyone. This weekend was the third weekend in a row that I had minimal plans. My only plans were for Friday night and they got cancelled at the last-minute. Len got invited to a fund-raiser last night and I could tell he felt hesitant to leave me alone with nothing to do. “I’ll be fine” I said and shooed him out the door. And I was fine, I just felt really lonely. I was faced with the fact that since being in Boston for three years, I have yet to establish a core group of girlfriends. Don’t get me wrong, I have girlfriends here that I love being and laughing with. But things are different now. Everyone has husbands, fiances, or obligations that make it harder to “pop” in for a girls night. I’ve never been one for the going out to the bars so I automatically limit myself from partaking in certain plans.
Last night I yearned for my girlfriends who are out of reach. I wanted so bad to just curl up on the couch with them and just be. Not have to think, not have to talk, just be. I must have cried for about an hour straight thinking about it. Loneliness is really difficult to sit with. Within that time I searched for the perfect On Demand Movie. The Hangover? Nah, too funny for my mood. Julie and Julia? Maybe, but I’d love to watch something I haven’t seen. Everybody’s Fine? Perfect. Holy hell, was that a bittersweet choice. Without spoiling the movie, Everybody’s Fine is about a father who is absolutely in love with his kids. He travels around the country to visit them and make sure that everyone is happy and satisfied in life. The story was touching and beautifully told. Robert De Niro portrayed the love of a father perfectly. Being the “daddy’s girl” who I am, I cried from start to finish. Len came home around two and we watched it again. In the opening scene he said to me, “Are you getting emotional already?” Yes, yes I was. From start to finish. It was just one of those nights.
In the midst of my flood, I realized how beautiful it is that tears represent sadness. When our heart and body feels something strongly enough, little drops fall out of our eyes to help share that message. It’s a wonderful thing. Now, if only I wasn’t an “ugly crier”. You know what I mean, right?
Onto something more pleasant.. FOOD. Yesterday we went to The Border Cafe for lunch and I stuck with my standard veggie fajita. The Border has a bunch of vegetarian options but these fajitas are just too good to pass up. the Border always starts the table off with a bowl of fresh fried tortillas and salsa. I had my fair share. As soon as the basket gets 3/4 down, they bring another one. Yeah, it’s bad. In the picture below, check out the monstrous cups drinks are served in. I ordered a water and a diet coke. That probably explains why I was up till 4 in the morning. I basically drank a gallon of the stuff.
This meal was eaten for last nights dinner too. Nice!! I love that. I swapped out the white tortillas for wheat ones at dinner and added some avocado rather than cheese Gotta mix it up a little.
Before dinner, I ate a Clif Bar snack. Mojo bars(dipped or not) are totally new to me and they just do not disappoint. I tried the Trail Mix kind and it was a perfect salty/sweet combo. I loved how you could literally pick the different pieces out: Chocolate chips, raisins, almonds and peanuts. Incredibly good.
Around eleven I ate a small bowl of honey nut chex but didn’t take a picture. There was a moment when I wanted to eat my sorrows away but luckily it passed quickly.
Today Len and I have a seven miles planned and I have lunch with a girlfriend. Thank God! I hope I didn’t depress anyone over this post. Are you someone who has a lot of friends or a few really close friends? Do you feel satisfied with your circle of friends?
If you haven’t already entered for the Clif bar giveaway, you can do so here.