Morning! It’s 4:37 am and I’m up because I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I had a wicked headache (they say from yoga) and just needed to close my eyes.
Did anyone see Oprah yesterday? Portia De Rossi was on promoting her new book Unbearable Lightness and talking about her struggle with self hate/disordered eating (they usually go hand in hand) and the pain of hiding she was gay. Portia’s story is super powerful and I found myself relating so much. In her deepest moments of self-loathing she would say to herself, “You’re nothing, your average, you’re an ordinary, average, fat piece of shit. You have no self-control. You’re a stupid, fat, disgusting dyke. You ugly stupid bitch.” As she read that passage, she cried and I did too. In my deepest moments I would call myself similar names and believed them to the depth of my core. I will never, ever go back to that place.
These were Portia’s closing words, “Really the only way I recovered from my eating disorder and from chronic dieting was to never ever restrict any kind of food, not even portion size. And that really is the only way that food loses its power over you. If you can have something everyday as much as you want, you tend not to want it as much any more. After a period of time you actually eat what your body needs, you eat what makes you happy and you don’t think about food ever again. That is how I healed myself.”