Goodies Galore

Learning to focus less on dieting and more on overall health and wellness

Loss and renewal.

Since Len and I broke up, I’ve been keeping myself very busy. Initially, I made lots of plans to be out of the house since he and I were still living together. This allowed us space apart. I’ve kept myself busy to connect with old friends and new, and to rejuvenate my social circuit. I’ve kept myself busy to avoid the difficult feelings of loss.

A few days ago I began reading through my old blog posts. Admittedly, I can be pretty funny on here so I got a few good chuckles. However, along with the laughs came a few tears. This blog started well into my relationship with Len and really documented our journey together. It tells the tale of the day he surprised me with Eleanor, along with other anniversaries, and rat’s first and second birthday. It references us as a “family” and speaks to our future together. A few days ago, I finally began to mourn what is no longer and what had been.

Admitting and accepting that your relationship is over is a difficult thing to do–especially at 30 when society says it’s time to be popping out children. We had stuff together: a dog, a car, an apartment, furniture. We had already merged into one another’s family of origin.  On paper, things were perfect.

“Knowing what’s right is sometimes hard. Doing what’s right is sometimes even harder.”  Lyndon Johnson.

The days that followed our breakup were devastatingly difficult. Sadness penetrated my entire being and I wondered if I’d ever feel normal again. I worried about Len and his feelings. I felt angry that our relationship could not be fixed. I wished for healing. Once the intensity of emotions was lifted and clarity set in, I was certain we made the right decision. I felt relieved. It’s easy to get stuck in a dynamic that’s comfortable.

I’m adjusting to life alone now.  I mourn parts of our relationship that were beautiful and fulfilling, and continue to miss Eleanor so much it hurts. But I’m proud that we were able to let go of something that was comfortable, because comfort is simply not good enough. We both deserve more.

What was a difficult decision you had to make?

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June 16, 2011 - Posted by | dogs, Family, Uncategorized

14 Comments »

  1. I hear you girl. I’m glad you made the right decision for you. I dated my ex for 3 years and thought we were going to be together forever, but eventually realized it wasn’t right. It was definitely not mutual and the hardest thing was hurting him, but in the long run, it was the right decision for us both. I think it’s incredibly strong to do something that isn’t easy but right for yourself. Thinking of you!

    Comment by Erin @ Big Girl Feats | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  2. “It’s easy to get stuck in a dynamic that’s comfortable.” Yes. That’s how it was with me and my ex. I think it takes more courage and maturity to move on. You deserve to be happy and you’ll find that happiness soon 🙂

    Comment by MelissaNibbles | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  3. “comfort is simply not good enough” girl, this is profound and completely true. I think any woman who reads your blog can say they’ve been in a relationship where you could be just as happy in or out, but you stay in because it’s easy to stay in. Sounds like you’re in a great place and your mind and attitude is awesome 🙂 as always I wish you the best!

    Comment by Brittany | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  4. I love this. And you’re absolutely right, you both deserve more than comfortable. I hope he sees that as well. And I think grieving, tears and all, is healthy. Everyone goes through it at one point or another and I’m glad to see you’re adjusting well. I’m also glad to see two mature adults making the right decision.

    Also, really glad you’re back! 🙂 see you next weekend.

    Comment by Liv | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  5. So proud of you I know it could not have been easy!

    Comment by Jacqui | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  6. Getting dumped 6 weeks before I was suppose to get married was the hardest It was days before the invites were to go out. Hardest thing I ever went through but the best thing that ever happen to me. I now have a wonderful husband and children

    Comment by Kelli | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  7. You are a beautiful, smart, funny woman. I ❤ you. You know my hard decisions already 😉

    Comment by Ali @ Pictures & Ponderings | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  8. Not sure if this helps linds, but dakota is having health issues (so young) and it makes me sad regularly throughout the day. I try to think about her happiness and the good things we have done together. I am trying to look forward to the opportunities we will have in the future (although it may not be for much longer-not sure yet) and trying to be thankful for them, even if they are not long lived and even if they do not happen often. I know how hard it is, from the same exact experience you are having now and how hard it is from this new perspective. I don’t know if it ever goes away, but with time it gets easier. Hang in there. Come visit! See you in July if not sooner.
    Michelle

    Comment by Anonymous | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  9. I’m going through the same thing right now..me and my boyfriend just split ways after 8 years of dating. Hardest decision I ever had to make but not being 100% happy is not OK and “comfort is simply not good enough” says it all. I go through moments of extreme sadness, but deep down inside I know i made the best decision.

    Comment by Krista | June 16, 2011 | Reply

  10. Lindsay you are a strong beautiful woman and it sounds like from above you have so much love and support all around you. Time will heal your feelings. And each relationship helps you to grow and figure out what kind of person is your match. I am so excited to hear about everything that is coming your way this year! So happy your blog is back!

    Comment by Trina | June 17, 2011 | Reply

  11. you are so strong- I am so proud of you!

    I’m thinking of going to a free music festival in harvard square tomorrow (6/18) @ 2pm. wanna join?? e-mail or f/b me!
    xoxox

    Comment by hollie! | June 17, 2011 | Reply

  12. You are an extraordinary woman and I am so very glad to have made your acquaintance. T.O.Y

    Comment by MJ | June 20, 2011 | Reply

  13. Hi Linds. I found your blog through your sister and lost it awhile ago. I’m glad she just posted it again. My boyfriend and I of 2 1/2 years just broke up about a week ago. We know were both comfortable with each other but that’s not always good enough. There were thoughts of “what else is out there?” “Is this what it, is this what I really want?”
    I think the break up was more my choice than his. He’s the last person I’d ever want to hurt, I love him so much.
    I hope you’re doing well & you’re happy!
    “True love doesn’t have happy endings, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.”

    Comment by Katie R | June 23, 2011 | Reply

    • Hey Katie!! Hope things work out for the best!! Thanks for stopping by. Our stories are basically identical. Cheers to new beginnings.

      Comment by lpskins | June 24, 2011 | Reply


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