“Why are you broken?”
I’m 30 years old. Let’s face the cold, hard truth- The clock is ticking. Wrinkles are forming. Boobs are sagging. Grays are sprouting. There’s no time to fuck around. Something has got to give.
I joined to world of internet dating.
I first signed up shortly after Len and I broke up. This lasted for a hot minute before it bit me in the ass. I don’t dare share the story- Just know that it’s for the books. Two weeks ago I decided to give it another try and so far it’s been quite interesting. My favorite pick up line so far is definitely– “Why are you broken?” Oh you poor bastard, if you only knew. 🙂
Since initially signing up, I’ve gone on three dates. The first date was cool but not quite me. The second was cute (despite the huge bandage covering a cyst on his face. I mean, really?) but very bitter about life and just kind of blah. The third date sent me over the edge. God forgive me if this person is reading.
I’m just learning the etiquette of online dating. Apparently you’re supposed to talk on the phone before meeting. I get that. Voice is important and I want to know if you sound like Kermit the freaking Frog. I should have known that contestant #3 was going to be brutal when the following little exchange happened via text message. Keep in mind that we had talked on the phone for about one week at this point.
Contestant #3 — xoxoxo
Me- Are you fucking with me?
Contestant #3– What are you talking about? xo.
If that wasn’t a telltale sign that he’s a stage 10 Klinger I don’t know what was. Things only got worse when he showed up looking like a raccoon and wouldn’t stop trying to kiss me. Oy Vey! That was a waste of 54 bucks and yes, I paid.
Stayed tuned for future tales.