Goodies Galore

Learning to focus less on dieting and more on overall health and wellness

“Why are you broken?”

I’m 30 years old. Let’s face the cold, hard truth- The clock is ticking. Wrinkles are forming. Boobs are sagging. Grays are sprouting. There’s no time to fuck around. Something has got to give.

I joined to world of internet dating.

I first signed up shortly after Len and I broke up. This lasted for a hot minute before it bit me in the ass. I don’t dare share the story- Just know that it’s for the books. Two weeks ago I decided to give it another try and so far it’s been quite interesting. My favorite pick up line so far is definitely– “Why are you broken?” Oh you poor bastard, if you only knew. 🙂
Since initially signing up, I’ve gone on three dates. The first date was cool but not quite me. The second was cute (despite the huge bandage covering a cyst on his face. I mean, really?) but very bitter about life and just kind of blah. The third date sent me over the edge. God forgive me if this person is reading.

I’m just learning the etiquette of online dating. Apparently you’re supposed to talk on the phone before meeting. I get that. Voice is important and I want to know if you sound like Kermit the freaking Frog. I should have known that contestant #3 was going to be brutal when the following little exchange happened via text message. Keep in  mind that we had talked on the phone for about one week at this point.

Contestant #3 — xoxoxo

Me- Are you fucking with me?

Contestant #3– What are you talking about? xo.

If that wasn’t a telltale sign that he’s a stage 10 Klinger I don’t know what was. Things only got worse when he showed up looking like a raccoon and wouldn’t stop trying to kiss me. Oy Vey!  That was a waste of 54 bucks and yes, I paid.

Stayed tuned for future tales.

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July 26, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized

16 Comments »

  1. Online dating can be a nightmare, but then again, dating is a nightmare to begin with. I met my last boyfriend online and we dated for four years. I’m online dating now too and I’ve met some cool people. You just have to give it time. I wouldn’t give out your number until after the first date though. Meet for a drink, then give him your digits. Trust me, some of these guys are VERY text happy.

    Comment by MelissaNibbles | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  2. If its any consolation I met my husband on eharmony and my siste in law met her husband on there too so dont give up I highly recommend that site:) good luck!!

    Comment by Kelli | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  3. Haha, I used to join and quit soon after because I met NOBODY I liked. It was the worst. Then I e-mailed one guy completely not my type at all but I still liked his profile. Otherwise, I normally didn’t search and just waited for men to e-mail me.

    Finally (several months ago) met an amazing guy! This is after a long time!

    Don’t give up just yet… the weeding through is a daunting task but has to be done!

    Good luck! xoxo (ha!)

    Comment by Kimberley | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  4. Oh my…I remember a bad online date experience.
    I showed up at the spot, and the guy asked me to get in his car because he needed to park. I said no, because it was only the first time we were getting together. He went to his car and told me he’d be right back. I waited 15 minutes. He sent me a text message saying the date wasn’t going to happen because i didn’t trust him…Jerk!!!

    Comment by Claire | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  5. I personally think that although in todays isolating, tech-happy society the online dating thing might be necessary and has lead to many success stories, I find it horrifying. True, you can meet some cool people, and I have gained a nice FWB out of it, but never in my life have I ever said “wtf is this dude thinking” or merely sat, with mouth wide open, and pondered how such social behavior from a male my age could even be possible. It really exposes you to the atrocities out there. I have recently been encouraged by a friend to “get on one of those websites” again. I don’t know if I can do it again, man. I’m bout to be 32, and I recently stopped giving a shit about the clock and decided to just enjoy myself. Maybe I’m a loser for leaving cyberspace, I’m still gonna bank on the old-fashioned way for a little while longer. Oh, and watch out for the married dudes on those sites, and those that got divorced from their wives of 10 years five minutes ago. They are abundant there!

    Comment by Anonymous | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  6. This makes me want to go sign up to an internet dating site. Seems like it would be an amusing way to pass time when bored at work..haha. I`m actually pretty excited to read more of your dating stories!

    Comment by Ayla | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  7. Ooh I can’t wait for some good stories! I’ve been online dating for years, with no luck, but so far have never really had any bad dates either. Oh and I hate talking on the phone so I never do that. I hate wasting time with a lot of texts and emails in the beginning too- I’ve found it’s best to just meet as soon as possible to see if there’s anything there. If not, move on and no one’s time was wasted 🙂

    Comment by Kelly- Shiny Happy Vegan | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  8. I think it’s good that you are putting yourself out there……………! I wasn’t dating for a long time, waiting for some guy-a good one-to find me……..you know that does not usually work out so well……..
    So, online, may not be perfect, but I’ve been using it and I have to say, it’s efficient, sometimes surprisingly good or bad…………or temporarily fun and funny.
    I didn’t know I had the potential to be a cougar…………..thanks internet dating,…..I brush off the young men pretty quickly. But, one guy was pretty fun-interesting.
    I bet you’ll find some good options if you hang out for a bit.

    Comment by Amy | July 26, 2011 | Reply

  9. My only advice is to go 5 to 7 years older… Seriously, otherwise it’s a huge waste of time. At least try it. ALL of my girlfriends who finally found “the one” met older guys (not Hef old though). I just recently noticed it. They seem to have all the common courtesy the younger guys completely lack. I had a guy my own age pull up in his hot car and text that he was there! Really? You texted me???? And this was from an old long-ago school friend. Give me a freaking break!

    Comment by Kimberley | July 27, 2011 | Reply

  10. I used to read your stuff and was bummed when you took a break..I am so happy you are back because this is too good to miss! Come move to VA and I will help you find a good southern boy! I have an extra room. 🙂

    Comment by Anonymous | July 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks Jaim. xox

      Comment by lpskins | July 27, 2011 | Reply

  11. I read your sisters blog, I’ve been following her since her Philly radio days and as soon as she said to read your blog, I did, so I’m glad your back. I wish you I knew you and we could hang out, you CRACK me up and our humour is on the same level – gradeschoolish ; )!!! Good luck with the dating. Take care ~Jamie!

    Comment by Jamie | July 29, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks Jaime!!!

      Comment by lpskins | July 31, 2011 | Reply

  12. I have one for the books too. Maybe we can swap stories next time we see each other. I did however meet my husband on Match. Let’s just say alchemy, timing and the right kind of weirdo to suit my weirdness. I’m looking forward to you meeting yours and sending a high five from SF for getting online.

    Comment by anneliesz | July 30, 2011 | Reply

  13. Do you remember Steve?? We met on eharmony! And we both had our fair share of crrrrrazy dates before finally meeting each other. haha, it was a hilarious time in my life, and I’m so thankful I did it!

    Comment by Anonymous | August 22, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi. Who is this? 🙂

      Comment by lpskins | August 22, 2011 | Reply


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