Facebook can be a deadly invention when it comes to relationships. Facebook stalking is just too damn easy. One click and you can analyze every picture, every “check in”, every stupid status update. (Don’t even TRY to pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.) Having access to an ex’s site can leave you with a glorified version of his/her life. Let’s face it, no one is posting about how much it sucked going to bed with blue balls last night or “checking in” from the toilet with diarrhea and a sore asshole. Everything is rainbows and butterflies in Facebook Land. So what’s a girl to do? DE-FRIEND that sucker and save yourself the grief. It’s okay to cut the ties. It actually feels kind of liberating. But what’s more annoying than de-friending someone only to find out that their page is public!??? Come on man, help a sister out.
Speaking of stalkers… I may or many not have a stalker who’s an ex-client…and a sex-offender… Oy Vey. The good news is that he’s a skinny little thing and I’m pretty sure I can take him down if needed, unless of course he’s on the bath salts. Then I’m screwed.
In other news…. how cute is this damn dog?
Off to run my first 5K!
Wow, its been a long time. Can’t believe it’s actually freaking June. Where the hell does the time go? One year ago yesterday, I moved out of my place with Len and Ellie. (We broke up a few months before that but lived together till June.) Crazy to think how much has happened since that time. My life went from stable, consistent, and calm to wild and chaotic.
My friends tell me that I should write a book because of the ridiculous experiences I’ve encountered since the breakup… most of which are too inappropriate to disclose on this blog. Perhaps one day I’ll share. Despite the amazing and insane times, my mood continues to dip down into a funk at times. I never thought I’d still be going through periods of depression but I am. Last night my roommate and I established an action plan to get my ass in a better mental state.
Step 1: Be around people/animals/things that bring me joy. CHECK!
Look who’s staying for the weekend!
It’s a good thing she’s not covered in chocolate chips or I might just eat her up. I love this little rat.
Speaking of chocolate chips…
Step 2: STOP EATING MY FEELINGS! I use food as a coping skill so it’s safe to say I’ve gained weight. It’s no surprise that baked goods are my go-to foods for comfort. (See below for the fat girl special.)
That right there is a triple chocolate brownie
The reality is that sugar makes me feel like SHIT both physically and emotionally, which deepens the depression. Terrible cycle. So what’s a girl to do? JUST SAY NO to
crack sugar. I have a dietary plan but I’m not going to share it until I’m confident in my ability to follow through.
Step 3: Talk to someone.
I’m a therapist (How’d that happen???) so listening is more my strong suit. People talk to me about their struggles and I love it but it’s difficult for me to open up and be the talker. I’ve been isolating from friends and family which is very bad. (Here’s a tip: Don’t avoid family phone calls for weeks then randomly send a text to your dad stating “I kinda want to file bankruptcy then join the Peace Corps for two years. Thoughts? I’m serious.” This won’t go over well.)
With a little push from a good friend, I booked a therapy appointment for myself. (Do you guys remember when I went to Mimi? She was cool.) Therapy is a wonderful thing if you’re invested. Like many things in life, the more you put into it, the more you get out. I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 16 years old (my parents thought I was an alcoholic; really I just got busted the
110 four times I went out drinking.) but I never really take it too seriously. This time around I’m going to try to be more open and honest. We’ll see how that goes.
STEP 4: WORKOUT.
Everyone knows that working out is AMAZING for both body and mind. Exercise has always been a form of medication for me. Running, in particular, has worked wonders for my mental state. Although I’ve been slacking in this department, the ball hasn’t dropped completely. Last week I ran alongside my good friend Ali, as she completed her first half marathon. I wasn’t signed up and I didn’t train, but I ran 11 miles with her for support. (I ate a block of cheese post race. Not good for the bowels.)
Some signs of depression include loss of interest and loss of motivation. It’s REALLY hard to get moving on some days (esp. today when it’s rainy and laying in bed sounds so much better) but ultimately I know that even the shortest bit of exercise will increase my mood. Strapping on my sneaks is a MUST for me. Been thinking about signing up for a few races to keep the motivation flowing. We’ll see.
That pretty much sums up my action plan for now.
What did I forget?
**I hope everyone is doing well! Happy Saturday.
Morning!! How was everyone’s weekend? Earlier last week I was feeling a little overwhelmed by my schedule so I decided to slow things down a bit this weekend. Turns out I had too much down time which made for a somewhat boring weekend. Live and learn.
Friday night I went to a friend’s house for some food, bev, and girl time. The theme of the night was Succulent Wild Women, after the Sark book. We didn’t get very wild but had fun sharing wild stories and laughing. Thanks for hosting, Mikaela.
My roommate and I saw Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close on Saturday night. The movie was well written and very, very sad. Bring an entire roll of toilet paper with you because you and your neighbor will need it. I almost broke out in full-blown sobs at one point.
Sunday was uneventful. Melissa and I sat around all morning procrastinating our long run. The race is in 5 weeks so mileage is climbing. We were supposed to run 14 but only ran 12.5 because I screwed up my Garmin. Totally fine with it. Check out my pre and post meals.YUM.
Most importantly– Ellie and I have been enjoying our time together this weekend. We explored the Arnold Arboretum.
She romped through the fields and enjoyed being wild and free. (I, unfortunately, did not get any romping in.)
We played ball at the park and dug up the baseball field. Sorry little league.
And fit in lots of snuggling and sleeping.
For some reason, she insists on squeezing into the small bed even though there’s a bigger one right next to her.
I’m off to drop her off then head to work.
Any good stories to share? I could use a laugh.
Guess who’s coming to visit me this week?
Miss. Eleanor!! Len’s going away so I’ll have her from Tuesday – Sunday. We’re going to spoon like crazy.
It’s been almost nine months since I moved out of the old place and left Eleanor behind. You’d think the pain of missing a dog would subside over time but it hasn’t. I miss that little girl every single day. When Len and I broke up, I imagined taking her each weekend, spending every moment with her that I could. Truth is, I hardly ever see her. I cry my eyes out each time I pick her up and then again when I drop her off. A short period of depression typically follows. The pain is overwhelming and it’s sometimes easier not seeing her at all. It’s truly amazing how much we are impacted by our pets.***
Thought so. Anyways, lots and lots to catch up on so not sure where to start.
Lets start here– I’m fat. No seriously. I’m fat. I’ve gained 10 pounds since March and 4 people (my clients) have made comments in the last 2 weeks about it at work. I love my clients and all but good god, they lack social etiquette. Comments include: ‘Damn girl, you’re really packing on the pounds!”, “You know you’re gaining weight, right?”, “You gained weight. What happened? You stopped working out?” Mother f-ers. Although it’s hard to hear such feedback, I know it’s true and can kind of laugh at it. Kind of.
So why the hell have I gained 10 pounds….
Well, a couple of reasons: I’ve been eating like shit and too much of it (in binge form and otherwise.) My latest favorite is french fries. Salty? Really, Lindsay! Also, for the last few months I’ve been eating out a lot and drinking tons of awesome beers. No Coors light for this bitch. We’re talking Pumpkin beers up the ass, Oktoberfests, and many other seasonal favorites. I’m all beered out at this point.
Remember when I mentioned that I was hanging out with a new boy? Yeah that ended last week. Although I was super (like, ridiculously) attracted to him, our personalities were too different and I wasn’t able to see past it. Booooo. He sure was nice to look at, and snuggle with, and kiss…. but character is character and it’s pretty tough to change. It was fun while it lasted. Onto the next victim!
The good news is that now my beer consumption and nights eating out have decreased. Now I just have to put down the fries and whoopee pies.
If you’re in the mood to cream your pants, (yes, I said that.) take a bite out of this bad boy.
Chocolate Dipped Coconut Luna Bar. Holy Helen its delicious. I’m not sure if these are new or just new to me but I dare say they’re the best flavor yet.
Wanna see something else delicious?
This crazy character. Remember Cooper? He’s only six months old and is getting so big! He’s naughty (loves to jump on people) but so cute and a total love boat.
Last weekend I busted him and my grandma taking a mid-day snooze.
Apparently I inherited my grandmas skin tone.
True story– I looked down at my feet yesterday and thought for a second that I was wearing white socks. Sadly, it was my just my pale-ass skin gleaming between my pants and my shoes. I need a bottle of tinted Jergens in a bad way.
In other exciting news, my roommate and I signed up for the South Hero, Vermont Marathon on October 16. I lived in Vermont for 7 years and am familiar with the race site. It will be gorgeous, especially with the foliage winding down. As far as training goes? Well, let’s just say we have a lot of work to do. The biggest challenge will be training in the hot summer heat. The race is TINY so I encourage you all the sign up 🙂 I hope they serve bagels afterwards. (Best part of a race event by far!)
Any tips on getting training in the heat?
Since Len and I broke up, I’ve been keeping myself very busy. Initially, I made lots of plans to be out of the house since he and I were still living together. This allowed us space apart. I’ve kept myself busy to connect with old friends and new, and to rejuvenate my social circuit. I’ve kept myself busy to avoid the difficult feelings of loss.
A few days ago I began reading through my old blog posts. Admittedly, I can be pretty funny on here so I got a few good chuckles. However, along with the laughs came a few tears. This blog started well into my relationship with Len and really documented our journey together. It tells the tale of the day he surprised me with Eleanor, along with other anniversaries, and rat’s first and second birthday. It references us as a “family” and speaks to our future together. A few days ago, I finally began to mourn what is no longer and what had been.
Admitting and accepting that your relationship is over is a difficult thing to do–especially at 30 when society says it’s time to be popping out children. We had stuff together: a dog, a car, an apartment, furniture. We had already merged into one another’s family of origin. On paper, things were perfect.
“Knowing what’s right is sometimes hard. Doing what’s right is sometimes even harder.” Lyndon Johnson.
The days that followed our breakup were devastatingly difficult. Sadness penetrated my entire being and I wondered if I’d ever feel normal again. I worried about Len and his feelings. I felt angry that our relationship could not be fixed. I wished for healing. Once the intensity of emotions was lifted and clarity set in, I was certain we made the right decision. I felt relieved. It’s easy to get stuck in a dynamic that’s comfortable.
I’m adjusting to life alone now. I mourn parts of our relationship that were beautiful and fulfilling, and continue to miss Eleanor so much it hurts. But I’m proud that we were able to let go of something that was comfortable, because comfort is simply not good enough. We both deserve more.
What was a difficult decision you had to make?
Good morning friends!
After 9 weeks, my weekly weigh-ins are back. I’ve been weighing in
weekly daily but haven’t been posting. For a little while there I was back at 145. Fluctuation blows goat. I look forward to getting and staying in the 130’s. Maybe next year.
Yesterday I had a visit with my sweet girl.
So far I’ve cried at each visit and I seem to be missing her extra this morning.
I could eat that face.
My roommate and I are gearing up for a long run around the neighborhood. Although we aren’t signed up for a race, we’ve been getting a long run in each week to keep us prepared. A race of sorts is definitely in the near future. I just love all the free food after. 🙂 Seriously, that’s why I do them.
It’s Gay Pride week here in Boston. If the rain holds out, I’m going to the Pride Parade today with my friend Katie. Should I sport my rainbow jumpsuit? Tonight, a few of us are hitting up some local hot spots for a brewski or seven. Gotta test out the scene, right? Fingers crossed I come back with some good stories for you. Sunday is going to be my chill day. It’s all about balance people.
What are you up to this weekend?
Wow. Is it really the second week of June already? It feels like yesterday when I turned 30 and ranted about how this was going to be the best year of my life. So far this year has been nuts! I’ve missed blogging. Initially, I took a break due to time restraints but then life happened. Oh life happened, alright. A lot has changed in the time I’ve been gone but I’m embracing it. Let’s see….
My sister is 30 weeks pregnant and cuter than ever. You know it’s a bad sign when you weigh more than your knocked up sister. Such is life.
Our beloved family dog died unexpectedly. Miss you Buddy.
So we bought a new dog to help heal the pain. He’ll never replace our Buddy but he’s been a wonderful addition. Meet Cooper.
After 3.5 years, Len and I broke up and then lived together for two months post breakup. Surprisingly,things weren’t too awkward and remained civil. He’ll always hold a special place in my heart.
I moved to a new part of town and have a new roommate. Hi Melissa!
But I lost Eleanor in the battle. Well, it was a mutual decision and hopefully for the best. She’s in wonderful hands and I plan to visit often. I do miss the energy of a dog around the house but I miss our nightly spooning the most. My sweet rat.
Since single life began, I’ve been saying yes more. Yes to invitations and events that I wouldn’t necessarily participate in otherwise. Such as going to a shooting range.
And partaking in other things that are too inappropriate for this blog 🙂 Use your imagination, folks. Hi mom!
It’s good to be back.
Okay, okay, it’s been a month since I’ve bothered to write a bloody blog post. I wish I could say I’ve been off traveling or doing something fantastic but the truth is, I’ve been working my butt off at my job, eating a shit load of cookies and not going to the gym. Whoever invented the girl scout cookie should go to hell.
The truth is, I’ve had a tough month and let go of all my healthy habits. I’ve been eating out of control (so much for weight watchers), haven’t been working (out other than my one weekly long run) and stopped doing things that typically make me happy. I couldn’t find the energy to come up with a witty post or anything worth reading. Have I been depressed? Maybe, but such is life.
The good news is that I have some exciting events coming up and lots of people who love me. Thanks to those who wrote me sweet and thoughtful emails. I’m happy to be back.
Has anyone missed Eleanor?
Seriously? Any cuter and I’d pass out.