Wow, its been a long time. Can’t believe it’s actually freaking June. Where the hell does the time go? One year ago yesterday, I moved out of my place with Len and Ellie. (We broke up a few months before that but lived together till June.) Crazy to think how much has happened since that time. My life went from stable, consistent, and calm to wild and chaotic.
My friends tell me that I should write a book because of the ridiculous experiences I’ve encountered since the breakup… most of which are too inappropriate to disclose on this blog. Perhaps one day I’ll share. Despite the amazing and insane times, my mood continues to dip down into a funk at times. I never thought I’d still be going through periods of depression but I am. Last night my roommate and I established an action plan to get my ass in a better mental state.
Step 1: Be around people/animals/things that bring me joy. CHECK!
Look who’s staying for the weekend!
It’s a good thing she’s not covered in chocolate chips or I might just eat her up. I love this little rat.
Speaking of chocolate chips…
Step 2: STOP EATING MY FEELINGS! I use food as a coping skill so it’s safe to say I’ve gained weight. It’s no surprise that baked goods are my go-to foods for comfort. (See below for the fat girl special.)
That right there is a triple chocolate brownie
The reality is that sugar makes me feel like SHIT both physically and emotionally, which deepens the depression. Terrible cycle. So what’s a girl to do? JUST SAY NO to
crack sugar. I have a dietary plan but I’m not going to share it until I’m confident in my ability to follow through.
Step 3: Talk to someone.
I’m a therapist (How’d that happen???) so listening is more my strong suit. People talk to me about their struggles and I love it but it’s difficult for me to open up and be the talker. I’ve been isolating from friends and family which is very bad. (Here’s a tip: Don’t avoid family phone calls for weeks then randomly send a text to your dad stating “I kinda want to file bankruptcy then join the Peace Corps for two years. Thoughts? I’m serious.” This won’t go over well.)
With a little push from a good friend, I booked a therapy appointment for myself. (Do you guys remember when I went to Mimi? She was cool.) Therapy is a wonderful thing if you’re invested. Like many things in life, the more you put into it, the more you get out. I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 16 years old (my parents thought I was an alcoholic; really I just got busted the
110 four times I went out drinking.) but I never really take it too seriously. This time around I’m going to try to be more open and honest. We’ll see how that goes.
STEP 4: WORKOUT.
Everyone knows that working out is AMAZING for both body and mind. Exercise has always been a form of medication for me. Running, in particular, has worked wonders for my mental state. Although I’ve been slacking in this department, the ball hasn’t dropped completely. Last week I ran alongside my good friend Ali, as she completed her first half marathon. I wasn’t signed up and I didn’t train, but I ran 11 miles with her for support. (I ate a block of cheese post race. Not good for the bowels.)
Some signs of depression include loss of interest and loss of motivation. It’s REALLY hard to get moving on some days (esp. today when it’s rainy and laying in bed sounds so much better) but ultimately I know that even the shortest bit of exercise will increase my mood. Strapping on my sneaks is a MUST for me. Been thinking about signing up for a few races to keep the motivation flowing. We’ll see.
That pretty much sums up my action plan for now.
What did I forget?
**I hope everyone is doing well! Happy Saturday.
It’s Friday, it’s Friday, it’s Friday!! Are you someone who looks forward to Friday all week-long? Not me! Although I enjoy the weekends, I never rush the week since I love my job. I saw this once and totally related.
I may not be the richest person in the world, but I’m rich in other ways.
Tomorrow night I’m going to my friend’s house for dinner and wine. There will be five of us… 2 couples and me. I tortured myself and watched a couple of PETA commercials the other day. Now I can’t bare to eat meat/dairy. I go through phases so I’m sure this will pass but I need a good vegan recipe that will cater to meat eaters. My friend Joe already calls me earthy crunchy so I’m sure I’ll get an ear full tomorrow night. Any suggestions?
About 7 years ago, I tried to change my name to Morgan. Not legally but I asked my family and friends to call me that, introduced myself as Morgan, changed my email/voicemail/etc. I was met with SO much resistance. People hated the idea!! I don’t get why but whatever. It caught on for a little bit and to this day my father and good friend Ali still call me Morgan. I’m in the mood to change it up again and am digging the name Harper. What do you think???
“Hi, I’m Harper. Nice to meet you.” LOVE.
Since running hasn’t been very appealing, I’ve been spinning a bit more lately. I’m not positive but it seems as though the teachers are not spin certified. My instructor offers no instruction about positioning, speed, form, etc. We spend the entire hour focusing on her playlist, going around the room giving a thumbs up or down for each song, guessing the year of release and singer, etc. Don’t get my wrong, the lady (Jan) is hilarious…today she played the air trumpet and who doesn’t love that. But come on, help a sister out. It also seems as though I’m the youngest in the class. Today Jan asked me my birth year, when I said 1981 I heard legit gasps from across the room. I’m 31 people, settle down. Side note- Does anyone else get a sore vageen from spin???
Moving on. Last weekend I spent a little QT with a special little man…
My sisters kid is freaking adorable. He definitely does NOT help with the baby fever situation. People are telling me to freeze my eggs. Again, I’m 31. Are we really at that point? Perhaps I’ll ask my spin class what they think. If anyone wants to extract my eggs pro bono let me know. Until then, those suckers are staying put.
Some other highlights included indulgent food and drink.
Get ready for this.
Whoopee pie ice cream??? Come oooooonnnnnn. Does my family know me or what?
I loved hanging with my sister. We always have a blast acting like a bunch of donkeys.
Okay loves, I’m off to work.
The past two weeks have consisted of celebrating birthdays and going out on dates. What would you like to hear first, the fun or the embarrassing?
January is a busy month because I’m best friends with a lot of Capricorn women. (We are the best sign, after all) Last weekend I trekked to Long Island to party with my fabulous friend Amanda who turned 32. A bunch of her girlfriends came over and we bonded over ridiculous life stories, fantastic food, and the game Things.
**** Make note of the bread bowl to the right. I dominated that bad boy.
My great friend and roommate turned 29 last week. We raged it up at home with yet another spread, vino, and a vegan chocolate cake.
My 31st birthday was on Thursday. I’ve been really busy lately and simply wanted to stay in to watch American Idol with my roommate. I know that sounds lame and I’m perfectly okay with that. I received many beautiful cards and gifts that touched my heart. I can’t believe an entire year has passed since my 30th birthday party. Last year brought about so many changes, most of which you guys know about. I can’t wait to find out what’s in store for this year.
Happy belated to my other Capricorn Sisters– Biff, Marisa, and my Mama.
The world of online dating is a ridiculous place. Over the last two weeks, I’ve gone out with three different guys and each date has taught me an important lesson or two.
1. Don’t invest much time (pre-date) emailing/texting/chatting back and forth because that all goes to shit at first sight. Verizon made a fortune from me this month.
2. If you arrive to a date early, head-in rather than wait in your parked car reading a book. You’re date might walk by, recognize you, then call you out fifteen minutes later when you eventually meander in.
3. Always look in the mirror before arriving to the destination or you risk finding a peppercorn wedged between your two front teeth at the end of the night.
5. Asking someone how many people they’ve slept within the first ten minutes of date is not appropriate or appreciated.
6. Don’t ever count on your roommate to pick you up from a date. She might accidentally get drunk too, especially if you’re “pre-gaming” together.
7. If you think you scared the shit out of your date, you probably did. Call the next day to apologize.
8. As embarrassed as you might feel, these stories are like gold to friends. Family might be a little more concerned.
Never a dull day in this life of mine.
Morning! I was super excited to pick up my mom yesterday, though you wouldn’t know it since I was 30 minutes late to the train station. I snapped pictures of her like a creep as she crossed the street.
We spent the afternoon acting as tourists, checking out local hot spots in Back Bay. Check out this chick.
She’s completely painted in gold and stand like a statue. Pretty amazing stuff.
We walked around the Boston Public Library for a good hour or so. I’ve lived here for 5 or 6 years and have never done this, which is quite shameful because there were lots of hot guys in there studying. What’s a trip to the library without a photo shoot? Hopefully we weren’t too much of a distraction.
After a bit of shopping and a lot more walking, (my mom is convinced we walked 15 miles and swears she has the callouses to prove it) we were starving and about ready to eat that human statue. We headed to Bella Luna, a local hot spot in Jamaica Plain for an early dinner. And by early I mean 4:45.
We ordered two small pizzas to share and devoured them. The pizza on the bottom right was beyond amazing. Post dinner, we returned to my place to relax, chit chat, and crack each other up.
Off to Brunch!
Waking up without an alarm clock is probably one of the best things ever. There’s just something so liberating about opening my lids naturally. Oh sweet, sweet Saturday.
My ADD is off the hook this morning making it very difficult to start and complete this post. Please bear with me as things might get weird. (What’s new, right?)
Mr. Amos Lee has served as a serious distraction. Have you guys listened to his music?
Check out this youtube video and pretend that you’re slow dancing with your partner. Not that I’ve done that.
Thank god for curtains. There’s just something about a man and his guitar that melts my vageen heart. (I honestly can’t help myself.) In my quest for fulfillment, I signed up for guitar lessons. They start on Tuesday so maybe I’ll try to learn this song.
Another ridiculous distraction is Facebook; the ultimate killer of brain cells. It’s just so damn fun.
What’s on the agenda this weekend??
My mama is visiting this weekend so we get to spend some QT together in Boston. Not sure what to do with the lady but it will likely involve shopping, eating, scoping out men, and things of that nature. She’s currently dating some douche named Butch (if that name isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is) but he’s not making the cut. I’m taking applications for eligible bachelors in the greater Boston area who dig hot moms.
Speaking of dating, I’m joined the online dating world again and have something lined up for Sunday night. Fingers crossed!!
Happy weekend, lovelies.
You know it’s time to stop blogging about relationships when your inbox is filled with concerned emails from close friends and family. I’m fine everyone, I promise!! I’m great, actually.
Let’s talk about something near and dear to our hearts: FOOD!
I’ve accepted and moved on from the fact that I don’t fit into any of my clothes. It’s been fun boozing face and eating whatever the hell I want but it’s time to reign it in a bit. Plans/diets don’t typically work out for me but I have come up with a plan of sorts to get the scale moving downward.
Healthy eating starts at home (not to say the nearest Dunkin Donuts won’t call my name. God love me a jelly stick.) so I stocked up at Trader Joe’s.
Tofu, veggie meatballs, tempeh, soup, bars, peanut butter (back away from the pumpkin butter mother f-er), bananas, bunch of vegetables, oatmeal, sauce, and soy creamer. I’ve been big into the kale lately. Chomp chomp.
I joined a 10 pound challenge at my gym. There doesn’t seem to be a prize (what’s a challenge without a prize?!?) so I’ll probably last about 2 days.
My roommate and I are signing up for a 20 mile race for some added motivation. It’s only 8 weeks away so we need to get our butts in gear asap. The thought of running 20 miles makes me gag but desperate times call for desperate measures. We’ve all been there.
I also plan to have lots and lots of sex as a form of exercise. Just kidding, I’m nearly a virgin at this point. (Again, we’ve all been there. Right? RIGHT?)
I’ll start weighing in again on the blog this weekend to keep me accountable. Don’t judge.
So there you have it my loves.
2011 has come and gone but it will never be forgotten.
Last year at this time, I would never have pictured my life as it is today. Here I sit, living the single life with a friend of mine, in a small apartment, without Eleanor by my side. My life changed pretty drastically in the year 2011. I risked a lot, I lost a lot, I cried a lot. But with that loss came growth, new experiences, and deeper connections (I’m talking to you Melis) that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. And as I continue to adjust to this new life, I thank god for good friends, family, and wine. Can’t forget the wine.
So cheers to a New Year filled with change, support, whoopee pies, laughter, and love.
Is it really Monday already? This is bull crap! The weekend was pretty good, however it was missing something… my sister.
Lisa and her hubby typically come to Boston for a visit this time of year but someone had to go make a baby and decide to move to Dallas. Again, bull crap. I missed our shenanigans.
It’s a good thing my nephew is cute.
Anywho, let’s catch up some more, shall we? Despite yesterdays post, you should know that I haven’t spent all my free time getting fat. Four weeks ago my roommate and I ran a marathon and yesterday we ran a half marathon.
mother f-ing Marathon.
Marathon morning started off beautifully.
We were eager to wake up and eat our standard pre-race breakfast of toast, peanut butter and banana. This meal never gets old. Of course coffee was involved to clear out the old pipes. The goal is always to avoid runners shits.
We snapped a few pics right before heading out.
This joy didn’t last very long. Three words– Never, Ever, Again.
I knew what to expect because Len and I ran a marathon in 2008 but holy crap– it was brutal. I swear on everything holy, I was basically suicidal by the time I crossed the finish line. Melissa and I trained a decent amount and completed all of our long runs so the physical aspect wasn’t the problem. The mental aspect is what ruined me. Things were going smoothly until about mile 13 when I found myself engaging in serious negative self talk. Soon I began slowing down and was unable to keep up with Melissa. We separated at that point and I started to feel very defeated. That set the mood for the remainder of the race which quite frankly, sucked goat balls. Even my favorite tunes couldn’t rescue me.
Thanks for nothing Rihanna. It’s crazy how powerful the mind can be.
**In about a year or so, when I’ve long forgotten the pain and agony that 26.2 miles did on my mind and body, please please please stop me from signing up for a 3rd marathon.
Half Marathons are way cooler
Yesterdays half marathon was a much better experience. Melissa and I signed up for the Fattman Cup Chilly Half Marathon at the last-minute as a ‘why not’ type of thing. We ran it last year and enjoyed the experience. For some reason, we didn’t put much pressure or thought into this half and had a very nonchalant and relaxed approach to running. No pre-race jitters at the start or anything. Because I was in such a bad place mentally during the marathon, I knew things could only get better. And it did. Despite it being incredibly hill, I kept a 9.35 pace (which is great for me) and finished in 2.05. The bad news is I shit myself. Kidding.
I’m currently blogging from my sister’s house because I’m on vacation I didn’t think I’d be able to mentally separate myself from work but it turns out it’s pretty easy. I should do this more often!
This week has been action packed with all sorts of activity. I left Boston on Saturday to attend a wedding in Ct. My girlfriend from high school got hitched at a vineyard and everything was perfect. ( I stole this picture from her website. Hope that’s okay Alia!)
It was so fun to catch up with people I hadn’t seen in 12 years. I was one of the few single people there. It seems like everyone is married, engaged or having children which makes sense since we’re all 30/31 years old. I went stag and felt fine about it but did feel weird when everyone was slow dancing with their partner. Talk about awkward! It’s almost impossible not to reflect on your life when at a wedding. Some girls dream up their perfect wedding from a young age. I am definitely not that person. It’s actually really difficult to imagine myself at the altar, going through the process of getting married. Who knows, maybe that will change. For now, my plans include getting knocked up at age 35 before my eggs dry up and fall out. 🙂
On Sunday morning, I hopped on a train for my sister’s house to meet my new nephew, Zach.
He’s a pretty chill little Critter. He does a lot of eating, sleeping and farting. Definitely a Perrone. My dad told my sister that I shouldn’t be trusted with an infant. How rude!! Let it be known that I have more babysitting experience than my sister and her husband combined. I’m watching the Critter right now while my sister is at spin class. Fingers crossed he doesn’t blow up his diaper on my watch.
Have a great day!
Do weddings make you self-reflect?