Goodies Galore

Learning to focus less on dieting and more on overall health and wellness

lots of sugar and flour up in here.

Hola! So it seems many of you out there don’t believe in cutting out particular food groups and I understand why it’s probably harder for someone with disordered eating to do that successfully. It’s certainly never worked for me but then again, nothing really has. Thanks for all the feedback and thoughts. I’m pretty sick of always thinking about it yet I cannot seem to help myself. I’m getting pretty exhausted with the whole things and I’m sure you’re pretty tired of hearing about it.

Ellie’s eye seems to be fine. I came home to take her to the vet and her eye was totally normal. The vet cannot do anything about it unless she can see first hand what’s going on. Thanks for all the well wishes for the little lady; maybe that’s what helped! Did I just use that semicolon properly?

Lunch was so good–vegetarian Pad Thai that len bought me last night. yum, yum. I also finished off my bag of spinach with lemon poppy seed dressing. I was shocked at how much I loved the dressing. Good thing it came in a small  package.

No fish sauce, added tofu.

chop sticks are SO hard to eat with. I ended up stabbing each leaf.

Dinner was teriyaki tempeh with couscous and gross vegetables. We literally have not a single vegetable left in the house. We’re getting a delivery on Thursday so I’m trying to hold out. It’s very, very hard.

Loved the tempeh this time around. Sugary sauce always helps!

Ryan from Pom Wonderful offered to send me a case of POM juice to taste! I typically don’t drink juice because I’d rather eat my calories. For some reason I feel its okay to eat 15 brownies in a day but don’t dare slurp sugary beverages.  I tried pomegranates for the first time this year and LOVED them so much. I really did want to try the juice and it did not disappoint. I’ve heard that it’s not that great but I really love it. Luckily the boyfriend loves it too so he’s been helping me chug-a-lug. Thanks Ryan.

I have a meeting with Mimi tomorrow so we’ll get her take on things.

**If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? I can’t even answer this one.

March 15, 2010 Posted by | eating disorder, Food, The Boyfriend, therapy | 25 Comments

Damn donuts.

Freaking donuts are the bane of my existence. Who created these damn things? F-U whoever you are. Someone thought it was a good idea to bring a dozen donuts into work today and guess who had two?  This bitch. The same lady brought in a Costco sized box of truffles last week. I’d be lying if I said my lips didn’t touch a single heart-shaped chocolate. I think it’s sabotage.

I packed a bunch of stuff for work today– veggies, hummus, Amy’s burrito, pineapple chobani, coconut flakes, banana and an orange. I skipped breakfast since I wasn’t hungry and ate the burrito, orange and veggies for lunch. I bought the freaking biggest bag of oranges last night and if they’re all dried up like the one I ate today, someone’s going down. Going down to Chinatown.

Late afternoon was when I grew saddle bags. Oh well, I’ll run a truffle or two off tomorrow. I came home to the most wonderful package from Newman’s Own Organics. Over the course of the night I ate seven thousand mint chocolate cookies. Have you guys ever tried these? They’re sinful. They might be my favorite packaged cookie. Freaking awesome. Mint and chocolate together is a phenomenal combination. Gods gift really.  Sally, I’m blaming this weeks weight gain on you!

I made myself eat a real dinner despite my sugar shock: spaghetti squash, spinach, nutritional yeast, hummus and parm cheese. What’s dinner without cheese and crackers? I had forgotten about my Mary’s crackers since they got pushed to the back of the cabinet. Surprise!

Tomorrows appointment with Mimi got cancelled because she has a doctor’s appointment. I’m fine with it. Monday night television is so disappointing. Len has a whole line up that he enjoys but I find all the shows boring. If only American Idol could be on every night, I’d be one happy camper.

I’m thinking about doing boot camp in two weeks. Booty!!

My lids are so heavy so I’m off to bed.  Sweet dreams beautiful bloggies.

March 8, 2010 Posted by | Food, Newmans Own Organics, running, The Boyfriend, therapy | 15 Comments

wordpress help/therapy/ ramblings.

Hey lovelies! So….. WordPress is saying that I’ve met my quota with pictures and won’t let me upload any more. Hmmm….any wordpress users experience this before? Not sure where to go from here. They are advising that I delete some records but I really don’t want to erase old posts.

So Mimi and I had a session this morning and I told her all about my struggles following the three category rule. I said, “I can’t just have one cookie, one chip, and one piece of chocolate. That definitely leads to a binge.” She said “Yes.” Huh? She reminded me that the point of this is to not have to battle bingeing on those particular day of the week. To not feel restricted. When I’m at my internship on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursday I should not be having an internal battle with the bins/binge. I should eat from any three categories I chose without guilt, without fighting, without shame. I should make sure to have a dinner that isn’t binge foods. The other days of the week I can do whatever I want. She reminded me that we are working with long-term goals in mind. I am struggling to accept that I can binge three days a week. I’ve been given permission. Mimi tells me that I don’t need permission to eat these foods and that I have choices to make. I am the only who puts the restrictions on myself and labels certain food as bad or good. The experiment will continue and I’m going to stop fighting it. She’s a professional. This is her job. I’m rolling with it.   The other piece of my homework is to think about the feelings that sort of sit with me on a daily basis. Not the feelings immediately before or after a binge, but the feelings that are more constant, be in loneliness, boredom, etc.

Ellie and I just took a nice long walk and she got to play with her bulldog boyfriend, George. They are so cute together. It took is 45 minutes to walk 1.15 miles. Jeez. The two of them just wouldn’t stop licking all up on each other. I finally got a good run in and recorded my fasted mile to date. Sweet! The weather is absolutely perfect outside so it made it much easier to workout.  For brunch, I ate two pieces of that polenta Quiche. Tasted better cold.

x2

Don’t forget to enter my Clif bar giveaway. Two winners will be picked Friday morning at 10 eastern time.

Did I mention it’s Spring Break? This broad ain’t strippin’ down in a tinie bikini anytime soon.

March 2, 2010 Posted by | Clif Bar, eating disorder, Food, giveaway, goals, running, therapy | 20 Comments

Cookie Monster Strikes Again.

Seriously, how do I not weigh 712 pounds and need a crane to lift me up? I’m sure you can tell by the title that I ate so many cookies today. Cookies of all kinds. I think my vision is getting blurry from diabetes. I’m not kidding. That’s a side effect, right. Mimi better come up with a plan of action. I definitely didn’t follow the plan this week. Wait till you see my dinner.

Exhibit A- Sweet polenta with maple syrup and coconut flakes.

Exhibit B- Savory polenta with parm cheese and ketchup.

Really, Lindsay. Really?

It did NOT feel like a Monday today which was a total plus. Work flew by and I got complimented by the Assistant Director at my internship. Double plus. At first I thought I was getting in trouble for something when she said, “Lindsay, can I talk to you?” I felt like I was 14 again getting called to the principles office. I had flash backs of sitting in In School Suspension. Oh yes I did. Luckily I’m 29 now and things are different. I love the work I’m doing as it is SO fascinating. I love learning and seeing mental illness manifest first hand. Psychosis is incredible.

So I’m brainstorming new ways to vamp up my workouts. Typically I only do cardio. No strength training, no abs, nada, zip, zilch, zero. I need a new plan that excites me. I’m contemplating doing boot camp again but the truth is, it’s a one month fix and I don’t even love it that much. And it’s SO expensive. Any ideas??? I do belong to a gym with awesome classes but I cannot motivate. And yes, I am running a half marathon on April 24th. No, we really haven’t been training. Sigh.

I would love to be toned, rather than 80% body fat. How do all you motivated people do it?

A while back, Annelies from Attune Bar sent me three bars to review. I’ve been holding onto them because for some reason I though I should wait until I actually ate healthy before trying them. She advised me that it’s okay to eat them on days I eat junk because the probiotics help with digestion. Each bar has 5 times the live active cultures in yogurt. They also contain 30% of calcium needs which is something I know I don’t get enough of. Tonight I tried the Dark Chocolate. These may be the answer to my healthy chocolate prayers. Each bar is made with 68% cocoa, has 80 calories and three grams of fiber. I was expecting an after taste or something but it tasted just like regular wonderful dark chocolate. Yum!! As if free healthy chocolate bars weren’t enough, Annelies could not be any nicer. Thank for the goodies!!

March 1, 2010 Posted by | Clif Bar, Food, giveaway, Marathon Training, running, therapy, Workout | 21 Comments

winner alert

Good evening friends!  Thanks for all the supportive comments today. You guys are amazing, not that you didn’t know that already. I’m hoping to use all of your inspirational comments to drag me out of bed in the morning. I will go to the gym damn it. I do know that there’s something bigger going on that causes me to binge, though I’ve yet to figure that out. I mean food tastes good and all but clearly there’s more to it. A couple people  asked what goji berries are like and honestly, they didn’t rock my socks. They’re pretty mild. I’m not informed about the health benefits so I can’t judge whether they are worth buying. Sorry Linds!

Onto the giveaway…  I asked the Lennster to pick a number between 1 and 28 and he chose SEVENTEEN! That means that you won LIV! I wish I knew what Kopali is going to send you but I don’t. It’s a mystery….. and it better be good. Congrats lovely.

Len and I are catching up on Idol now since there’s two more hours tonight. Jeez Louise!! Also, my 7-9 class got cancelled for tomorrow night. Life is SO good. Hmmmm, what to do for dinner……

How are you guys??? Gotta catch up on you right now. …. (creep alert!)

February 24, 2010 Posted by | giveaway, Graduate School, Self Discovery, The Boyfriend, therapy, Workout | 7 Comments

#3

Well I don’t have any food to show you yet  but I do have some therapy talk. Todays session revolved mostly around my relationship with different family members and with my bf. We talked about how my relationship with food has a direct impact on these emotional and intimate relationships (esp. with bf) and how I’m looking to change along with way. I talked a lot about how my bf is a free spirit and how I long to be that way too. I always have to plan, plan, plan. He can get invited anywhere, anytime and he’s always willing to participate. I am someone who always has to think through who’s going to be there, what am I going to eat, do I have to dress up and look cute. Unfortunately I say NO much more than I say yes. I hate this about myself. Mimi asked if I have anything in my closet that I feel good in and the answer is not really. She suggested I pick up two articles of clothing that make me feel pretty. The truth is, it all comes down to what I ate that day. If I’ve binged, my jeans will fit totally different (mentally) than they would had I eaten healthy for a day. It is all psychological. I cannot gain 10 pounds in one day. I know this logically. But one day makes such a difference in how I feel about myself. Imagine 14 years of this.

I know that as this process continues, I will transform and as a result my relationships will become richer. This gives me strength.

We’re going to continue with the 3 day/3 category plan.

Don’t forget to enter the giveaway.

February 23, 2010 Posted by | eating disorder, Family, The Boyfriend, therapy | 24 Comments

Giveaway up in here.

Well, it was a day of overdoing it in the food department (and that’s an understatement). Let’s just say lots of cookies and  lots of chocolate graced my lips. I’m feeling a little bit of guilt because Mimi said that on M,W,Th binge days I should eat a dinner that isn’t binge food. Well, I ate Mac and Cheese, which would typically be a binge food, however I didn’t eat a binge portion. I had a normal dinner portion and it was wonderful–just what the bf and I were craving. I’m interested to see if we’ll continue the experiment this week too. Time will tell. It’s so nice to actually look forward to therapy. I was thinking yesterday about what a good client I am. I’m so open with her, she doesn’t even have to push. I may be a little biased though.

My (non-binge) foods for the day were pretty boring.

Leftover roasted veggies/soy nugget and a fiberful bar.

Sahale Almonds--SOOO good. Bought at Starbucks.

veggies and hummus

I came home to a wonderful package from Norman at Kopali Organics. I love everything that Kopali Organics stands for. They are an incredible company that started from a desire to support local banana farmers in Costa Rice. Kopali is dedicated to supporting small farmers around the world by fulfilling their mission to provide healthy, fair trade, sustainable and pure foods. Their motto is, “Good for you. Good for farmers. Good for earth.”  Thanks Norm!

Tonight I busted open Organic Dark Chocolate Covered Banana. So so good. I was expecting hard banana chips but I couldn’t have been more wrong. They look like chocolate covered raisins but are softer and melt in your  mouth. The banana flavor is so pure and not at all artificial tasting. This might sound weird but I’ve always LOVED baby food. The banana tastes like banana baby food. Authentic, healthy and wonderful. So good. The chocolate is dark, rich and full of antioxidants. You better believe I gobbled these suckers right up. No problem.

Norm offered to send along some goodies to one lucky reader. For a chance to win, please check out their website and tell me why you think Kopali Organics is so wonderful. I’ll pick a random winner on Wednesday night!  Hurry up before I eat your winnings!!

February 22, 2010 Posted by | eating disorder, Food, giveaway, Self Discovery, The Boyfriend, therapy | 31 Comments

Oh Mondays, why must you exist.

Morning! Although I slept for over 8 hours it seems I could sleep for 8 more. Yesterday Len and I relaxed most of the day (been doing a lot of that lately) and despite my resistance, I agreed to watch Lord of the Rings with him. The background is that I hate any movies that are unrealistic. I’ve never seen Harry Potter, Lord of the rings, Twilight–nothing of that nature.  Well after falling in love with Avatar, we thought my world had been opened.  I think I made it through half of Trilogy before giving up on it. Not for me. Hobbits, wizards, scary men on horses–no thanks. Oh well. We started the movie off with some great eats– yet another spread, popcorn and an orange.

The usual suspects

Several hours later we were ready for a snack. This my friends, was the highlight food of the day. Chobani pineapple with sliced banana and unsweetened coconut flakes. I had never tasted this kind and it is by FAR the best flavor. The coconut made it taste like a tropical paradise. LOVE. I wish I had bought more than one.

It was 4 and we had still not gone on our run. Energy was bursting out of me but he wasn’t ready just yet. I had to leave the man behind. I left the house with the intention of running 3 miles. After about two miles I decided to change my route and run a loop I hadn’t gone yet. The mileage was uncertain. I have no sense of direction or distance, for all I knew it was 10 miles. Turns out it was only 4.5 miles. Then I thought, I’m feeling good why not go for the original 6. So 6 it was. I felt awesome when I got back because my mind was telling me to cut the run short but I overpowered it because my body felt fine.

I came home and roasted up some turnips, sweet potatoes and carrots. We also had these new Quorn products that Len found last week. They are “chicken” fingers spiced with chipotle and lime. I made a dipping sauce of cayenne and agave. Len was impressed by either but I thought they were delish. We finished the night off with two of my least favorite ice creams: strawberry and vanilla. (I wasn’t complaining last night.)

I set the alarm for 5:30 this morning so I could get some work done but I snoozed till 6:30. Ellie was quite the cuddle bug so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to snuggle with my favorite lady. I had weird dreams last night–one about Mimi finding out my blog. She got banned from some lists? And then I used her shower and couldn’t find any face wash. Who knows.

I was hungry waking up–which I loved because it usually never happens since I typically eat so much at night– so I fixed up a slice of fitness bread with peanut butter. I really wanted some jam but was out of luck so I substituted with coconut butter. Total bust. I’m telling ya, the stuff sucks. And no Lindsay, it doesn’t taste as your  mouth would want it to.

Here’s to starting the last week in February. Nuts!!

February 22, 2010 Posted by | dogs, Food, running, The Boyfriend, therapy | 19 Comments

Mini eggs in my belly

What? Mimi said I could.

Todays experiment at my internship with eating was kind of strange. I chose muffins, chocolate and cookies for my three categories. I ate from all of them, had a healthy dinner and I’m about to eat more chocolate. I’ll tell you what— I over did it big time in all three categories and don’t feel much guilt or shame. I felt like I had permission to eat them. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I hope that soon these foods/binges become less special but for now they feel just fine. Tomorrow I won’t be at my internship so I’m not what the rules for that will be. I’m just going to focus on intuitive eating and see what happens. I will be at school from 9 in the morning till 9:30 at night so I’ll have to pack a picnic. Total bullshit. I’m still procrastinating my paper due tomorrow so tomorrow will be a total cram session. Good news is that my Friday class got cancelled. Jesus loves me.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to work on my paper although I blogged instead. While blogging I enjoyed an english muffin with peanut butter and some french toast coffee. Yum! Sorry I have no photo but it was too early to be bothered. Lunch was left over pasta, tofu and asparagus. Smelly pee. (Sorry, I can’t help myself.) I also ate cookies, muffins and chocolate. Lots of it.

Dinner was the bomb diggs. Len and his niece went to The Border Cafe and picked up veggie fajita for me. SOOOO good. They pimped out my take out with wraps, tons of veggies, rice, beans, and a separate container of lettuce, sour cream and cheese. I had two MONSTER fajitas–they were more like burritos. So salty.

I didn’t work out today but am determined to get to the gym tomorrow. Time to watch idol! Night bloggie loves.

February 17, 2010 Posted by | eating disorder, Food, Graduate School, therapy, Workout | 14 Comments

Thanks for all the wonderful and supportive comments yesterday regarding therapy. I’m so happy you’ve been so receptive to it. Although I had the  day off yesterday I wasn’t terribly productive. I really didn’t make a dent in my paper so I’ll pay for it  with long hours tonight. Oh well, there are worse things. The snowy weather yesterday made for a nice relaxing time with my little rat. We played around a lot, took some snowy walks and did a lot of lounging. Clearly she didn’t mind. Did you all watch American Idol last night?  Not sure it was possible to squeeze any more commercials into the two hours. Total waste of time. And I’m not finding Ellen that funny so far. She best step up her game here.

Yesterday was filled with some seriously yummy meals. I was hungry three hours after eating that salad so I had a can of split pea soup. I really like it, although at first sight I got a little nervous. It helped knowing it was vegan so the ingredients weren’t anything crazy contributing to its nasty appearance. With the soup I munched on Glennys ranch soy crisps. So good.

Nastiness

Now we're talking.

I had planned for baked tofu and roasted turnips but then I discovered that what I was peeling wasn’t in fact a turnip at all. What in god’s name is that thing? The tail reminded me of a rat and it had veins in there. But really, can someone please identify this thing? I turned to the good old sweet potato instead. While everything was roasting away in the over, I snacked on two pretty good size pieces of Cabet pepper jack cheese. Oh how I love thee.

x2

We rounded out the meal with boiled asparagus for some smelly pee. While Len wasn’t a fan of the tofu, I LOVED it and now have leftovers for today. Wahoooo!! I baked it in a marinade that Liv helped me create- 1 tbsp olive oil, 1 tbsp agave, 1 tsp each cumin and cayenne, sprinkle of cinnamon, salt and pepper. When everything was plated, I lightly poured agave on everything, including the spears. Quality. The agave gave everything a wonderful flavor of sweetness and really highlighted the sweet potatoes.

Yesterday I was really mindful of hunger cues and worked hard not to count points, calories, etc. My goal is still to eat intuitively and yesterday felt like a success. Another high point of yesterday was that my coffee finally arrived. My friend Ali will keel over when she sees all the waste I will be creating from the empty cups. Sorry Al, these cups are my vice. I love them because they are easy and I am lazy.

French toast, rainforest nut, donut shop and decaf vanilla.

Who’s ready for the weekend?!!  Is anyone out there on Twitter? You can follow me @ lpskins.

February 17, 2010 Posted by | dogs, Food, fun, Intuitive eating, therapy | 25 Comments