The saga begins my sophomore year in high school. I can’t quite remember my weight at that point but I can remember feeling gross. An upcoming trip to Florida with my then boyfriend and his family triggered my need to lose weight. Feeling frantic I began eating 1000 calories per day. Keep in mind that these weren’t any 1000 calories. They were well thought out and consisted of many rice cakes, pieces of lean chicken, veggies, pretzels, etc. Fat or oil would never touch my lips. I also started exercising obsessively. I would go to lacrosse practice then come home and get on the elliptical until the machine read 1000 cals burned.
In only a few months I whittled down to 116 pounds, my lowest weight to date. At 5’6 this is small, however I could not see how small I had become. My body image was totally distorted to the point where I was shopping for a homecoming dress in the size 12 section. The store owner quickly guided my to my size–4.
I think it was my Junior year when things turned in a different direction. I started bingeing on everything I had deprived my self of. So the cycle began–bingeing-restricting, bingeing-restricting. So here I am almost 29 and still battling to eat like a normal person. Throughout college my weight bounced between 148 and 168. I am currently around 155. I would absolutely be fine with this number if it came along with healthy eating and exercise. Being overweight isn’t the only consequence of disordered eating–my mood, my self-esteem, my relationships, and my overall life experiences have suffered. I think it’s time for a change.