Goodies Galore

Learning to focus less on dieting and more on overall health and wellness

My Journey

The saga begins my sophomore year in high school. I can’t quite remember my weight at that point but I can remember feeling gross. An upcoming trip to Florida with my then boyfriend and his family triggered my need to lose weight. Feeling frantic I began eating 1000 calories per day. Keep in mind that these weren’t any 1000 calories. They were well thought out and consisted of many rice cakes, pieces of lean chicken, veggies, pretzels, etc. Fat or oil would never touch my lips. I also started exercising obsessively. I would go to lacrosse practice then come home and get on the elliptical until the machine read 1000 cals burned.

In only a few months I whittled down to 116 pounds, my lowest weight to date. At 5’6 this is small, however I could not see how small I had become. My body image was totally distorted to the point where I was shopping for a homecoming dress in the size 12 section. The store owner quickly guided my to my size–4.

I think it was my Junior year when things turned in a different direction. I started bingeing on everything I had deprived my self of. So the cycle began–bingeing-restricting, bingeing-restricting. So here I am almost 29 and still battling to eat like a normal person. Throughout college my weight bounced between 148 and 168. I am currently around 155. I would absolutely be fine with this number if it came along with healthy eating and exercise. Being overweight isn’t the only consequence of disordered eating–my mood, my self-esteem, my relationships, and my overall life experiences have suffered.  I think it’s time for a change.

34 Comments »

  1. I think you are beautiful at any shape/size. So proud of you for doing this. If I ever figure out what all this food bullsh** is all about I will let you know. Luv u.

    Shell

    Comment by Shelley | October 21, 2009 | Reply

    • Thank you my sweet best friend. xo

      Comment by lpskins | October 21, 2009 | Reply

  2. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    Comment by Brandon | October 21, 2009 | Reply

    • Oatbran. This is SO COOL! Now you need a blog and it will be a family thang. love ya bro.

      Comment by lpskins | October 21, 2009 | Reply

  3. Hi Lins, I love your new blog!!! Just want you to know how proud I am of you and I will always love you no matter what the scale says!! You’re a beautiful person inside and out!!! Love, Mom

    Comment by Mom | October 21, 2009 | Reply

    • MARRRRRRRR!!!! Look at you being all tech savy. Love you too momma!

      Comment by lpskins | October 21, 2009 | Reply

  4. I LOVE YOU THE MOSTEST SISSY

    Comment by Lisa | October 22, 2009 | Reply

    • If you love me so much, make sure they get me some pumpkin arctic zero.

      Comment by lpskins | October 22, 2009 | Reply

  5. I’ve been where you were/are Lindsay. I started having issues in 7th grade. I had a personal trainer build me back up years ago because I lost a lot of muscle during the years. Still at 31 I struggle. I’ve learned through therapy and reading and trying to find myself somewhere along the line that I can get through it and it will always be a struggle. I have good days and bad days. I keep it together for my children. I fight myself when stress comes along. It’s amazing I’ve lived with this for 18 years. So, trust me I know where you are. I started a site like this long ago that no longer is around, but I did what you are doing now. It helped me along with others so good for you! I will definitely be checking your site out!

    xo

    Comment by Lori | October 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Hey Lori, thanks for taking the time to write this to me. I so appreciate it as I’m sure you can imagine. I’m happy that your children inspire you to do better so they won’t pick up our habits. It seems like running must be a big outlet for you. Have you read or learned anything that was extra helpful? Thanks again for being so open. Crazy how I’ve known you for so long and we have this in common but never discussed. xo

      Comment by lpskins | October 23, 2009 | Reply

      • Hey Lindsay! Good for you for this site! I’m proud of you! Running is a BIG, HUGE, outlet for me…I sabotage myself at times because it’s a love/hate relationship with running. I need to run, it helps me get through my days, but there are days I hate it and wish I never had to run, but running keeps me healthy so I work with it. One of the things that helped me get through and still helps me get through is I know it will never go away. I know that when I am going through something and I walk by someone and I feel that twinge in my stomach, the one that instantly goes you’re fat, I know that I will have those days and I just have to work a little harder not to let it take over my life. I know that I will struggle and I want to keep healthy for my kids…so I am thankful I have my children, they keep me going.

        Also, take the support and love from your family and use it in every positive achievable way. I don’t have that. To this day my family thinks I’m nuts and brush it off like it’s nothing. I still can’t talk about it to them at 31 years old. I don’t have that support to fall back on so feel lucky and use it to help yourself. I think it’s absolutely wonderful you have that support and love!

        I will be in touch with you to make sure all I is well and I will definitely be checking your site everyday!

        xo

        Lori

        Comment by Lori | October 26, 2009 | Reply

        • Hey Lor, thanks so much for the support and inspiration. It’s a nice reminder to utilize the supports that are available to me. My family IS supportive, though I’m not sure they new the extent of my problem….till now that is. It’s amazing how differently we see ourselves from the way others see us. To me, you are far from fat. You are healthy and beautiful. I get the love/hate thing with running. Working out is no fun when you feel like its an obligation due to a recent binge or unhealthy eating. Thanks so much for keeping up with the blog. It’s the comments from people like you that keep me interested in being open and honest. xo

          Comment by lpskins | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  6. Im finally sitting down and reading through your blog. I love love love it. And I love you too!

    I miss you and I am so happy that our little blogs can help us stay in touch since we cant speak to each other often being so far.

    I am so proud that your are focusing on the healthy part of the joy of eating. Finally! even if its little by little. Food is amazing when you realize that its fuel and that it alters pretty much everything inside of you. The hard part can be making it taste good! At least for me the retard in the kitchen.

    no more rawstard please lol. Had to say it.
    x
    Trina

    Comment by Trina Akiyama | November 7, 2009 | Reply

    • Hi love. Food is fuel, food is fuel. That’s my motto for today. I loooooove you. Umm, didn’t you mention a trip to Boston soon? What is rawstard? xo

      Comment by lpskins | November 7, 2009 | Reply

  7. dont you remember…my college heartbreak, his last name…you and I…mustard and carrots. You called it rawstard once upon a time. oh lindsay…I think you are loosing your memory of our 2 years together.
    It was sooo long ago!]

    Do you like miso soup? I have some killer yummy recipes from the cleanse we did. Sota was cooking up a storm all month. http://www.howhealthworks.com 2nd time we did it, love it.

    Comment by Trina Akiyama | November 8, 2009 | Reply

  8. dont you remember…my college heartbreak, his last name…you and I…mustard and carrots. You called it rawstard once upon a time. oh lindsay…I think you are loosing your memory of our 2 years together.
    It was sooo long ago!]

    Do you like miso soup? I have some killer yummy recipes from the cleanse we did. Sota was cooking up a storm all month. http://www.howhealthworks.com 2nd time we did it, love it.

    xoxo

    Comment by Trina Akiyama | November 8, 2009 | Reply

    • I totally don’t remember that! ANd yes, I have the worst memory every. Sounds like something we’d make up but no, no memory.

      Comment by lpskins | November 8, 2009 | Reply

  9. We have similar stats, and it sounds like our journeys have been similar as well…mine is definitely a mix of healthy and not-so-healthy days/months/years. I’m excited to continue reading about your journey!

    Comment by Anna | December 6, 2009 | Reply

    • Ugh, tell me about it… trying to work on the “not-so- healthy days which are more often than not!

      Comment by lpskins | December 6, 2009 | Reply

  10. Wow, so brave of you to share your story! I feel like we’re on some similar journeys here. You are gorgeous and smart, and those combined with your new healthy habits are going to bring you out of any sort of rut you’re in emotionally or physically. You are an awesome girl who deserves a full and happy lifestyle, eating too much or too little should never have to get in the way of that. 🙂

    Comment by ginamastrog | December 8, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Gina! Ditto to you girlfriend.

      Comment by lpskins | December 8, 2009 | Reply

  11. Your story breaks my heart because it is my story. I hate to think of anyone else having to go through such an extended struggle as I did. I know from experience that things can get better, even when it seems like they never will. If you ever need ANYTHING please email me quarterlifewellness@gmail.com and I am more than willing to do anything in my power to help you beat this. I promise u can do it, you are so strong to put yourself out there like this!

    Comment by quarterlifewellness | December 13, 2009 | Reply

    • Hey Jill, thanks for being so supportive and empathetic. I’ll definitely be using you as a tool!

      Comment by lpskins | December 14, 2009 | Reply

  12. “I would absolutely be fine with this number if it came along with healthy eating and exercise.”

    Amen, sister. I feel the exact same way. There’s such a thing as healthy weight gain and unhealthy weight gain, and healthy weight gain don’t come from cramming in flour, sugar, and fat until I feel sick.

    Great blog, keep up the posts! I’m enjoying it so far 🙂

    Comment by Ally | January 25, 2010 | Reply

  13. Lindsay- I can definitely say that I have been there and although stories are not the same, they follow a predictable pattern. Mine was no different. However, I have come a long way (no where near perfect, but in a much better place). I love your blog and I hope to keep up with it in the future!!

    Comment by Running on Faith | January 31, 2010 | Reply

  14. I totally understand the cycle. I have highs and lows (185 at my highest and my current low of 113). It is dangerous to go from under eating and over exercising and slip into binging.

    I think you look great! Keep up the healthy lifestyle 😀 Good luck to you!

    Comment by Annie | February 8, 2010 | Reply

  15. What a relateable story. I totally understand and thank you so much for such an honest portrayal of your story.

    Know that you have not been alone.

    Sara

    Comment by Sara | February 28, 2010 | Reply

  16. I can so relate to your story…not on the same scale but I can still relate. So glad tha tyou are doing better. You are beautiful! Your blog is great. You are on the right track with your career. Good things are in store for you!!

    Comment by Ameena | February 28, 2010 | Reply

  17. I really relate to your story. Disordered eating has definitely destroyed my mood, self-esteem, and relationships. I’m on a similar journey, trying to eat like a normal person and also just find some peace of mind. Can’t wait to read more from you!

    Comment by Lauren | March 31, 2010 | Reply

  18. Our stories are exactly the same, girl. As much of a struggle as it can be, just know that you’re not alone in your troubles. You are absolutely beautiful, and that’s not determined by a number, size, or anything you ever eat.

    Comment by Lauren (Clean Eats in the Dirty South) | January 13, 2011 | Reply

    • Aw, thanks Lauren. Looking forward to reading more about you!! Our burnt veg girls need to stick together!

      Comment by lpskins | January 13, 2011 | Reply

  19. Hey Lindsay! Good for you for this site! I’m proud of you! Running is a BIG, HUGE, outlet for me…I sabotage myself at times because it’s a love/hate relationship with running. I need to run, it helps me get through my days, but there are days I hate it and wish I never had to run, but running keeps me healthy so I work with it. One of the things that helped me get through and still helps me get through is I know it will never go away. I know that when I am going through something and I walk by someone and I feel that twinge in my stomach, the one that instantly goes you’re fat, I know that I will have those days and I just have to work a little harder not to let it take over my life. I know that I will struggle and I want to keep healthy for my kids…so I am thankful I have my children, they keep me going.
    +1

    Comment by Josey | September 15, 2011 | Reply

  20. Such an outstanding accomplishment, never sieze to amaze. Keep up the Epic work. NP

    Comment by Anonymous | November 8, 2011 | Reply

  21. Morgan Liked it, Harper…..sounds like a seal.

    Sorry

    NP

    Comment by Anonymous | March 18, 2012 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: